This, of course, is just a hunch, but if the cola czars could have it their way, they would reinvent the human body and create a being, comprising just a mouth, two kidneys, with perhaps a bladder thrown in. A being that is built like a sponge to soak up litre upon litre of a brownish, sweetish, cold-ish, gaseous libation which has, probably, done more business around the globe than any other consumable. Certainly, they would have no use for a distracting organ like the human brain, apart from its capacity to beam messages every five seconds which go: More cola, more cola. Eat cola, sleep cola, drink only cola.But since this lot cannot create such a creature, they do the next best thing -- they invest a great deal of time, effort and money to reinvent the emerging generation, the next generation, the now generation. And how. A generation for whom the sum of human happiness boils down to collecting cola bottle caps and exchanging them for a tattoo. This is just a hunch, of course, but going bypresent trends, an examination paper for the Tenth Standard Board Examinations in the year 2020 should go something like this:
I. Which is the greatest invention created by human endeavour:
a) The wheel, a circular frame turning on an axle, which made the transportation of objects and people more efficient?
b) The computer, a machine that can store and transmit complex data electronically?
c) The cola, the drink the world guzzles by the gallon?
II. What is the single most important liquid necessary for human life:
a) Blood, a red-coloured oxygenating fluid, circulating in the human body?
b) Water, a transparent liquid comprising two parts hydrogen and one part oxygen?
c) Cola, a coffee-hued carbonated drink, that causes human beings to burp fast and furiously?
III. Which of the following do you consider the greatest achievement of the modern era:
a) Tenzing Norgay's and Edmund Hillary's conquest of Mount Everest?
b) Olga Korbut's backflip on the beam in the 1972 Olympics?
c) Theability to sell 80,000 litres of cola every year in Burkina Faso?
IV. Which, according to you, was the defining moment in modern history:
a) The assassination of Archduke Ferdinand in June 1914?
b) Astronaut Neil Armstrong's landing on the moon in 1969?
c) The discovery that a cola with burgers and French fries makes the perfect meal.
V. Which of these great wars has put its stamp on the 20th century:
a) The First World War, that brought all the Great Powers of the period into the theatre of conflict?
b) The Second World War, which saw the rise and fall of the Third Reich?
c) The marketing battles between Coca-Cola and Pepsi now raging in an estimated 150 nations around the world?
VI. Which of the following sayings have most affected human consciousness in this century:
a) Martin Luther King's ``I have a dream''.
b) V.I. Lenin's ``All power to the Soviets''.
c) Pepsi Cola's ``Generation NeXt'' and Coca-Cola's ``The Real Thing''.
VII. Which of the following is the most beautifulobject known to humankind:
a) The erotic sculpture of Khajuraho?
b) Michalangelo's `David'?
c) The sculpted contours of a cola bottle?
VIII. Who is the greatest Indian of the modern era:
a) Mahatma Gandhi, father of the nation and prophet of non-violence?
b) Rabindranath Tagore, liberal humanist, poet and seer?
c) Sachin Tendulkar, presently on a five-year Pepsi contract worth an estimated Rs 80 lakh per year and winner of Coca-Cola's special award worth Pound 20,000 for his batting performance in the Coca-Cola Cup?
GRADES: The `Top of the Class' award goes to all those who polled option `C' six or more times. They may, on presentation of their answer sheets along with 10 cola crowns, pick up their certificates, and help themselves to a chilled cola and a complimentary tattoo. Congratulations to the winners.
Copyright © 1998 Indian Express Newspapers (Bombay) Ltd.
