Like, for example, we all know that traffic is at its peakest and worstest (pardon my French) on a Sunday evening, all over Mumbai, specially at Juhu Beach. Commuters are miserable sitting in their cars or in BEST buses (literally) stuck in horrible traffic jams. So, the solution: Stay at home. Don't go out on a Sunday and be miserable. But the reality: Everybody goes out on a Sunday and ends up being miserable. Les Miserable (pardon my Hindi).

I wonder why ...

Sometimes, I wonder, how the Miss India pageants function (no offense to the organisation). The shows are very well organised -- with sparkling entertainment of two hours spread over a four-hour period. It's also a night where everybody comes together and gets rid of their petty jealousies. They only bring forth their major jealousies. But I wonder if most of the so-called Miss Indias are really `Miss India'. Like, for example, I was recently watching some show on TVwhere a certain Miss India was being interviewed (no names, please). Okay, okay! Rani Jeyraj. And she couldn't speak Hindi! She said that the most she could do is give directions to a cabbie, that too in broken Hindi. So much for being Miss Hindustan. So, the solution for being a Miss India: Learn Hindi. But the reality: Most of them won't because it is so down market. Aur agar Hindi bolne ka to tooti phooti angrezi accent mein.

I wonder why...

Sometimes I wonder why the following people could not participate in the Olympics:

BEST bus conductors in the wrestling and gymnastic categories, as they are really real-life champions in these events. Watch them in action in any BEST bus from 9 to 9, everyday, and you will know what I am talking about.

The people of Maharashtra in the swimming events (all the strokes). Thanks to the BMCs new-and-improved drainage system during the monsoons we are swimming everyday (all the strokes). Please note that the actual gold medalists will be all the peopleliving near subways.

People standing at bus stops in the 100-metre race (make it the 100-metre obstacle race). Have you ever seen them running behind a crowded BEST bus -- which never stops at the designated bus stop, but always a 100 metres away.

I wonder why...

I wonder why wherever there are signs of `Keep Your City Clean', there is always the maximum amount of garbage and litter, right under it?

I wonder why when a film becomes tax free (ie no entertainment tax), it is usually a movie without entertainment. For example, Major Saab?

I wonder how the most in-thing and also the second choice for a career these days is to become a pop singer (eg Vikas Bhalla, Sheba, Tanya Singh and a few hundred more -- I'm running out of paper, folks)? I wonder how difficult it is to judge what's worse -- their acting or their singing?

I wonder how easy it is for you to screw up your mornings reading crap like this?

I wonder how I get to write my own column?

I wonder how I still have not been admittedto the Agra Mental Hospital?

I wonder how much a dabba batliwala will pay for this copy?

I wonder ...

Sajid Khan says: "Don't worry I'm not pagal. Mera dimag kharab hai!"