In `Simmering within: Asian mothers and their rising expectations', the team says Asian women go through each day with sadness and dissatisfaction, conscious that life could be better. The research was conducted in the first quarter of this year as an attempt to understand Asian mothers as a marketing target group, but the study also contains useful insights into the thoughts and ambitions of women across the region.

It covers 198 focus groups, consisting mostly of mothers with dependent children, in 22 cities in mainland China, Hong Kong, India, Indonesia, Japan, South Korea, Malaysia, thePhilippines, Singapore, Sri Lanka, Taiwan and Thailand. As a result of the research, Ogilvy and Mather has come up with what it thinks is Asian women's portrait of a happy mother: Someone who is successful in her career, busy with other things apart from mothering chores and emotionally stretching her roles.

This `ideal mother' is also organised, in control, and resourceful. And while she may have others to share her household burdens, she is not blamed as neglecting her motherly duties. She maintains a close relationship with her children, while her devotion to others is appreciated. According to the researchers, Asian mothers are all too willing to sacrifice their own identity in anticipation of rewards that come in the form of family togetherness, their children's academic and career successes, and their husbands' achievements in work.

But the women feel that they have little opportunity for their personal fulfillment, and think their accomplishments and their contributions to family and society areunappreciated and not acknowledged enough. One woman in New Delhi is quoted as saying, ``I don't want to be reborn as a man. I want to be reborn as the husband of my husband.'' The Ogilvy and Mather researchers say the women's situation and attitudes are reflections of the double standards widely practised in Asian societies. ``Across the region, Asian societies continue to favour men in many respects, from schooling to salaries to sexual misbehaviour,'' they noted. ``Society expects women to be quiet and submissive (although less so in places like Hong Kong and the Philippines). Mothers know that to satisfy the demand of their roles, they must make numerous sacrifices,'' the researchers added.

While the dictates of tradition make it easier for the women to accept their myriad of responsibilities without much complaint, this does not mean they do not have hidden desires and their own ambitions. At one point in the research, participants were shown pictures from which they were made to choose one that theythought communicated happiness.

Majority picked images related to more freedom, space and independence, report the researchers. For instance, Thai working mother Watcharee Muthasathearn is kept busy cooking, dressing up and feeding her children and sending them to school during the morning, before she rushes off to her nine-to-five job at a bank. After work, the 38-year-old has to go to the market, cook dinner and wash the dishes. During weekends, there is laundry to do for her husband and children, more cooking and dish-washing, as well as the obligatory visits to relatives. ``I love my two kids more than anything else,'' said Watcharee, ``but sometimes I just wish I could go somewhere, leaving everything behind and be only with myself.''

One Japanese mother told the researchers: ``I want the courage to be able to say I want something for myself.'' Even mothers in the Philippines -- who the researchers note as having a very positive view of themselves, their opportunities and their situation at home --convey similar frustrations and fears as the women in the other Asian countries. Still, there are signs that some changes are taking place.

While most Asian mothers are unwilling to sacrifice family togetherness in exchange for independence, the researchers say a greater sense of self-esteem can already be found among the most ``elite'' group: the professional working women. These women, they say, believe they can survive alone if they have to, in contrast to the traditional attitude that men are supposed to be the breadwinners in the family. One Bangkok working mother told the researchers that she never thought of ``leaning'' on her husband for financial support. She said: ``I must be able to make a living for myself.''