Your work ethics were impeccable and your acumen second to none. The restlessness of youth waiting to lay siege to an empire with pure drive anddetermination. Alas, only destiny cheated you in the end and the cruelty of the uncaring. I know the Lord in his infinite wisdom takes back into his fold his children who suffer too much. We have all suffered but you did in a battlefield of sorrow still fresh in its harsh reality. You were a brave soldier but eventually gave in to the ultimate inability to bear. The inner torment and anguish you managed to hide so well, yet the only person who could hear the silent crying of a soldier, turned away when most you needed.

Your pride hurt, your ego bruised, your heart rent apart, you were battle weary? I know you always lived life your way and in Frank Sinatra's song `I'll do it my way' shall lie the truth of a friend who made his own timetable of life both to live and die. Farewell my friend, to those who never knew you it was their loss. To those of us who did, your loss will be hard to bear but with a prayer on our lips we will soldier on as I know you would have wished. You will always be a shining star inlife and in the thereafter I salute you my honourable friend `Jaideep'. God bless.

Quiet introspection, meditation with contemplative searching intent, and a questioning of life and the thereafter has been my lot these past couple of weeks. At the other end of the spectrum, duty appearances at events to fulfill personal commitments have taken a toll. When the mind is seeking answers there is a listless quality which people around clue onto rather quickly.It is almost like being there, yet not. The tragic demise of my friend had me reeling with sadness, strong emotions of incomprehension, and a degree of incredulity. Death is the ultimate finality that one is never quite prepared for, despite having experienced the loss of a loved one, Rajan's sudden and tragic demise, I still don't think I have gotten over it, not really, perhaps never.

Accepting of the fact, one is immunised, but only to a degree. My psyche is awash with melancholic, turbid streams of pain, disbelief and self-questioning, triggered bythe loss of a dear friend. My own vulnerability is twisted into an almost grotesque parody in my ultimate resolve to live each day to the fullest as if the last, for does one ever know?

A fairy tale wedding
The juxtaposition of birth, marriage and death as events that involve the social milieu is true and these past weeks, have been no different. The loss of a young life in one family, the birth of a child in another and a wedding celebration in a third all within the span of days makes one sit up and wonder. Is life merely a charade, a game or a gamble? Is it really the Lord playing puppeteer, making all of us dance to his tune with the invisible strings of life pulled by him. As the birth and death debate still rages within me I will attempt to address the wedding I attended in Delhi, where incidentally I had to be for the hearing of my case. The Khans of filmdom in most minds epitomise the brothers Sanjay,Feroze, Akbar, Sameer, Shahrukh and sister Dilshad. Laila Khan, the gorgeous daughter ofFeroze and Sundari, got married to Rohit Rajpal, last week in Delhi. Unfortunately I missed all the pre-wedding events from the bachelorette party of red and black, to the Sangeet, Mehendi and the ensuing small celebratory dinners and lunches hosted in their honour. The wedding was a simple moving event. It was held at the Park Royal Hotel ballroom.

I arrived just as the Baarat was winding its way into the driveway. Kishen Mulchandani gallantly escorted me as I tried to merge with the bride's family awaiting the groom only to have Soni Khan call me to join them at the front. I was given a handful of petals and though I did manage to shirk back a little, the mood and spontaneous enthusiasm of the family kept me rooted to the spot. The Khans were resplendent in their wedding finery coupled with the drop dead good looks, that the family is renowned for. It was spectacular -- Feroze, Sundari, Sanjay, Zarine, Dilshad and their gorgeous sons and daughters.

The ballroom was awash in gold and redtissue fabric, cleverly draped over sofas and chairs to give it a glow of gold ambience that added a touch of chic and class to the nuptials. The bride Laila looked like a princess, in a red and gold heavily embroidered velvet lehenga created by Sundari. The handsome groom Rohit beamed proudly, dressed in the traditional achkan with a resplendent red saffa.It was a touchingly beautiful ceremony and the warmth and hospitality flowed like the legendary rivers of plenty. I remember Laila telling me a few weeks before the wedding how unconcerned she was as Soni and brother Fardeen were in full control of the events in Delhi.

The organisation was meticulous and she must feel proud that her faith was so justified. Amongst the throng of well wishers I managed to greet Kailash and Aarti Surendranath, Reena, Kavita Advani, Kishen Mulchandani, Sunita Kohli, the Burmans, Timmy Sarna, Kunal Goswami, Nandita and Sanjay Kapoor, Pia Singh, Roohin Jaiswal, Veena and Pradeep Mehra, Madhu and Naresh Trehan,Rekha Surya, Suneet Verma, Ravi Bajaj, Rohit Bal, Amita and Sanjay Singh, Mumtaz, Kavita and Vinod Khanna. The joy and warmth of Rohit and Laila's wedding will stay with me forever. Bombay has lost one of her beautiful daughters to the Capital as have the Khans. Our loss is their gain, may they love and cherish her as I'm sure Rohit always will. God Bless Them.