A typical filmi oxymoron: He's a don, and a dreaded killer (although there's little proof to substantiate such lofty designations barring a couple of ridiculous-bordering-on-obscene fights with female wrestlers). He's the elected chairman of a global conglomerate of underworld `wig-bigs'. But he's also a snow-white, starched-and-gelled-to-perfection Mr Good with a heart of 24k gold. As always, there's a suitably painful past to justify his choice of profession. And there's also a loyal girlfriend who latches on to him despite his abominable credentials.

Actually, expecting anything remotely reasonable in a film like International Khiladi is just too far-fetched an ask. It begins on a ludicrous foot and gets progressively worse.

Devraj (Akshay Kumar), recently crowned `the boss of all bosses' is arrested in connection with a police informer's murder. The victim's sister and Devraj's now ex-flame Payal (Twinkle Khanna) testifies against him and narrates her never-ending taleof love and longing. Don-man is convicted and sentenced to death. He escapes from prison to round up the real culprits rival gangster Thakral (Gulshan Grover) and Payal's obsessed admirer Amit (Rajat Bedi). Now since this is supposed to be an action-driven flick, you can excuse its story (or the lack of it). But there aren't any spectacular thrills, chills or spills either. And the few stunts there are too seem Hollywood-inspired Payal getting locked to a pole on a burning boat (Leonardo DiCaprio in Titanic) and the climax shot aboard an airborne plane (Air Force One). What's more, the special effects are so patchy, they look like bad cut-and-paste jobs.

Aadesh Shrivastav's music is anything but melodious. Gulshan Grover's unending tirade of `Hinglish' dialogues and his gaudy costumes are equally depressing. Rajat Bedi, on the other hand, inspires a hearty laugh although that's not how it's meant to be. Perhaps he thinks screeching himself hoarse is tantamount to acting. Twinkle Khanna does her jobreasonably well. Akshay Kumar, however, is a big disappointment. He tries to bring a rough and menacing quality to his voice, but it still doesn't elevate his performance from the ordinary. Yes, he looks good, and pulls off a couple of dare-devil stunts, but that's just not enough for a film that's supposed to rest squarely on his shoulders. And that's exactly why International Khiladi fails to impress.

Director: Umesh Mehra

Starring: Akshay Kumar, Twinkle Khanna, Rajat Bedi, Johny Lever and Gulshan Grover

Showing at: Minerva

-- DEEPA DEOSTHALEE