With the emergence of nuclear families in big towns, the joint family system died and with it died the love and values we were instilled with by our parents and grandparents. Nuclear families don't have the time to nurture these values once the seed is planted, they feel their job is done and the tree shall bear fruit. They forget that they need to tend to it, talk to it, water and manure it.

Parents have left children to discover on their own. No one is there to answer the ``whys'' and ``why nots.'' I have always believed that the character of an individual, school or company is formed by the top man in charge.

From a distance, I can see Manu Sharma as a specimen of total neglect. His politically rich parents obviously had no time for him to reprimand him in his formative years. They probably bought their affections with money and power. Perhaps they were too naive to realise that love cannot be bought with money GUNS CAN! Look at where their son stands now? The father claimed sadly that he has to pay for his son's deeds. I am sorry, Mr Sharma, it's the other way around. Only if you had tended to your offspring and held that tender hand when he needed you as a child!

A couple of days ago, when I was dropping my son off for his cricket nets at school, I noticed a young lad of about 15-16 years getting out of his self-driven Contessa, walking proudly towards the school in his whites. The parents couldn't be hassled with the responsibility, obviously.

Kids are given free flow of cash, cars, leading to discos, parties, etc. as long as they are off their parents' backs. The BMW case is another glaring example. Bina Ramani goes on record in a national daily (The Times of India, May 15) as saying, ``Anyone can pick up a gun and kill in this culture and, if he has connections, can even get away with it.'' What connections is Ms Ramani talking about when her whole life has revolved around ``connections''? If she didn't have the ``connections'', wouldn't she have been behind bars? With everything illegal at Tamarind Court, it is the ``connections'' that keep her going. As a parent, she has caused enough harm with these ``connections''.

A parent has to set examples and hold his chin up before he can preach to the child. Wake up, ``Moms'' and ``Dads'' be the guiding light, stop living in a world of make-believe, it's you who are responsible for your child's deeds.

Poor Jessica Lall, may her soul rest in peace. I wish you had not been the barmaid that night.

The author, wife of columnist and leg-spin legend Bishen Singh Bedi, is a social activist.