So, Australia did win the Cup and not only did Suresh Menon find himself a girlfriend, he is also getting married to her. Her name is Smita and she is quite smitten by Suresh. Jo doosre bade local newspapers apne matrimonial section mein nahi kar paaye, I have managed to do in my humble column.

Now that I have finished kissing my own a*@s aao chalo kuch kaam dhande ki baat karte hain. And it if it is kaam dhanda we are talking about, then the Indian team definitely don't have any kaam left. But sab dhande pe lag gayehain. So, here it is friends, alternate careers for our elevating eleven:

Azharuddin will retain himself as the captain -- but of the women's cricketing team.

Javagal Srinath has gone back to supplying cement and bricks in his truck -- from Karnataka to Coimbatore.

Ajay Jadeja because of obvious bad expressions -- after getting out so many times against various different teams -- has been exposed to the film industry as a non-actor, so he will not be acting opposite Madhuri Dixit in Rakesh Nath's (her secretary) film. Instead, he will be trying to get Rakesh Nath's job as Madhuri's secretary.

Venkatesh Prasad, our fast bowler, has now started his fast-food Udipi hotel. You see what used to happen is that Prasad used to be at the boundary line, like all normal cricketers, but he was not signing autographs. He was taking people's orders (read in South Indian lingo): "puri, bhaji, roti masalla dossa, idli, juice, kapi..."

Rahul Dravid, also known popularly as `Jammy', has now startedteaching Noga, sorry Yoga. As he could not become a good fielder, he will now try and become a very good Kissan. If he fails even at that, he will definitely become an RTO havaldar because no one understands jams better than him.

Nayan Mongia has officially been signed by Disney and Dreamworks to star in the sequels of A Bug's Life and Antz. But he will have to change his name from Mongia to Mungia. Thanks to his terrific new name, he will also be starring in a sequel of Cheetee Cheetee Bang Bang.

Robin Singh is now in a bird cage and he can be visited at your local zoo's Bird Section for a special price. He is the only robin who can sing. Aur vaise bhi, agar Robin sing hai to Batman channa hai.

Anil Kumble, to brush up his fielding tactics, has gone back to his fields in Madurai where he has actually become a cook. A cook, you ask? You see he makes very good plough. Or pulao -- any which way you eat it.

Sourav Ganguly has opened his ownrasgulla shop but with a unique difference -- buy two tins of rasgullas and get a Stay-free. Or, buy two tins of chumchums and get a rasgulla free.

Listen guys, I am a bachelor. I believe in my FREEDOM. I lead a CAREFREE life. Drop in sometime over to my PAD and we can all have a bloody good time.

Debasish Mohanty has now joined the first of its kind male strippers club. So, why don't you drop in there and see the full Mohanty.

I know you guys are wondering why I have left out Tendulkar but I cannot say anything about him because I simply love him. For me, he is genuinely our true national treasure while the others are our national leisure.

To know more about the alternate careers of the Pakistanis you will have to hold on till next month because enquiries are going on over there. Mr Akram, I believe, has been sent to a mental asylum because losing in that fashion to Australia could only be the work of a chakram. Wajatullah Wasti has stopped doing masti and has gone back to hisbasti. And Saqlain was arrested by the Municipality of Lahore for doing unspeakable acts to the road -- he was trying to suck the lane. Shoaib Akhtar ie Rawalpindi Express, is now officially working as a coolie in the Rawalpindi Express. Henceforth, Rawalpindi Express ie Sohaib Akhtar. And Inzamam -- jab tak rahega UP mein laloo, apni team ko run-out karega yeh gol gappa aloo. He has also started a furniture shop and kept himself on display -- he is the only potato that comes with the couch.

Saeed Anwar, like Robin Singh, has moved to the zoo. After changing his name to Saeed Janwar. Moin Khan will soon be starting a new agency -- of lawn moin. Abdul Razzak has gone back without any mazak on Noah's ark. Hey, hey, hey, that didn't make any sense. But nor did the Pakistani team. Ijaz, or as Mr Gavaskar calls him `a-jarge' has stared his own lassi shop and sells the best chag. If I've missed out anybody else, I'm not sorry, because I am sure the Pakistani publichasn't missed them.

But jokes apart, guys, don't you wish that all Indo-Pak problems could be sorted out on the cricket field rather than on the battle field? This is the first time I am saying this -- the money that comes to me for this column goes to various old peoples' homes but from today the money will be sent directly to our jawans at Kargil.

Sajid Khan says, `Jai Jawan, Jai Kissan, Mera Bharat Mahaan'.