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Venita Coelho
Things I Wish Our Parents Had Told Us
I am woken by a Sunday morning call from my father. He has called especially because I have written to tell him that I have started a production company. He has a word of advice. "Don't put your money in television," he says, "look what happened to Amitabh Bachchan." I sigh, as I make suitable daughter-listening-to-father noises. And I think about all the things I wish he had told me.
I wish my parents had told me all about Money. Asking for your due, and making sure you get it. But in a million middle-class households, money is an awkward sort of commodity. You aren't supposed to show you care too much about it, and discussing it too avidly is out of the question. As for negotiating contracts, chasing late payments, and demanding your price -- forget it! The last three generations have been quite happy with a steady salary. Till today I get lectures about how if I took a government job at least I'd get a pension. So, like many before me, I went the wide eyedhalf route. I accepted my first pittance with gratitude, almost died of loyalty when I got a Rs 500 raise, and didn't dream of asking for more. Until I realised that to support my steady job I had to do freelancing. I wish my parents had told me about exploitation. It isn't something that happens to illiterate labourers. I've seen companies pay Rs 2,000 to trainees for work they were billing the client Rs 4.5 lakh for. What would you call that? I've had people call up and beg me to do work for free only to learn later that they not only got paid but boasted about how they were able to get their work done for nothing. I've seen companies overload people with work until they burn out and quit. And guess what? Nobody paid them nothing for the six months they had to sit at home putting their confidence back together. I know four people who are under thirty and are suffering heart problems because of the pressure they come under in their jobs. Is the company paying their doctor's bills? Nah.
I wish my parentshad taught me about love. We really grew up believing in the Mills & Boons version of life. Everybody wants their first love to be their last love. Everyone wants to be married and living happily ever after. Guess what? It doesn't happen. You have to learn the hard way that your first love might not be the right one. That the best love might not be yours to hold. That hearts that hurt so much that you can't breathe, still go on beating.
I wish my parents had taught me about options. Marriage, children and happiness aren't the only end your path can lead to. There are other options and there is no shame or terror in taking them, only lots of fulfilment.
I wish my parents had taught me less respect. It took me many years of disillusionment to get out of my habit of automatic respect given to the man in charge. The person in charge isn't always the one who knows the most. God help you if you're stuck with a moron.
I wish my parents had pointed out that the world isn't full of good people and politicsaren't restricted to Parliament.
I wish my parents had taught me about being tired, and self-doubting, and confused. I wish they had told me what to do in all those times.
In one of my rare outbursts I asked my mother why she hadn't taught me any of this. She looked at me sadly and said, "We didn't know." I look at their lives -- separated from mine by not just by one generation -- but by a huge chasm. Mother still remembers the first rubber band and the first plastic bag she saw. No one in our family has ever divorced. I am the first in five generations to ever do something other than a steady job. They didn't know. They couldn't know. And now there are so many things I cannot tell them because they cannot now understand.
So, on Sunday mornings I make daughter-listening-to-father noises. Because I know he cares very much and he is trying to give me all the best advice that he can. I wish someone had told me that without being able to talk to your parents too much, you can love each other so much ithurts.
Venita Coelho is a television script writer.
Copyright © 1999 Indian Express Newspapers (Bombay) Ltd.
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This story was printed from Net Express located at http://www.expressindia.com. Net Express provides a portal to India, with news from The Indian Express and The Financial Express along with sites on travel and tourism, the entertainment industry, the power sector, the environment and much more.
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