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Simran Sodhi
When I heard news of the coup in Pakistan, only a mild surprise came out as reaction. Almost as if this was always expected, maybe because democracy as such has never taken root in our neighbouring country. Maybe. For what intrigued me was a similar reaction when the Vajpayee government fell and elections were announced. Indifference mingled with slight disdain.
And the reasons were not hard to fathom. When I try and look at the history of my nation I feel no pride. On the contrary, I feel a trifle ashamed. At the way we have been conveniently ignoring the obvious. Refusing to accept our failure and that of the nation as a whole. The belittlement that stares us in the face every time we try and cross a road or pay our bill is a part of our lives we have learned to live with. A passive existence where we expect nothing from those in power and are slowly losing our capacity to show resentment. Something the British couldn't kill in us, we have stifled it ourselves.
Mark Twain once wrote somethinginteresting about Indians: "It is a curious people. All life seems to be sacred except human life." That was quite a long time back. But I guess he couldn't have written anything very different had he been alive today. Human life and rights, they are like lichens. And I wonder where we went wrong as a people, as a nation....
We have screamed at the West for destroying our culture, we have damned technology for disturbing our lifestyles. Time to shift the focus, act a little brave and take the first step. Accept our failures. And then work to build something better.
Not that the contempt which grows at the way this nation runs is wrong. It is a reaction and when I sit down to analyse my thoughts, I realise it is a healthy one. "Clean hatred," as Ronald Reagan's biographer Morris would put it! The cycle for change has to start from a sense of revulsion. The feeling of sheer desperation for a better way to live has to evolve into action.Most often, regrettably, healthy criticism of the way we are is met withbewilderment bordering on sacrilege. The Mera Bharat Mahan syndrome gets in the way of truth. Sometimes I think it is an "evasive vanity" that lies at the end of the tunnel. I guess it is more convenient this way. Even if not moral.
I wonder what is it that one could do to stop helplessness and disdain from merging into cold indifference? Perhaps one could simmer a bit now and then and then tell oneself to remain cool as one doesn't matter in the millions here. Second, you decide it is indeed a rat race, all a matter of the survival of the fittest, metamorphose into a rat and zoom into the future. Third, you balance things in your head, decide that maybe things won't change and so won't you. So you rationalise your anger and live with a consciousness of doing your bit.
When I say I love this nation but it depresses the hell out of me, does it make me less of an Indian? When I claw it bit by bit, searching for the flaws, am I seeking a sadistic pleasure or am I craving for perfection? When I turn to lookat its glorious past and compare it with the present mess, the hurt is very much there. But a stronger sense of the present urgency overshadows it. I get impatient with the past and wish I could forget about it for a while and replace the history classes with lessons of the Now.
As I try and fill in the crossword which daily observations and emotions hint at, the masterword is not a happy one. On the contrary, it is a common synonym for all the negatives. But that is a happy paradox. For the emotion is pulsating, alive, fighting. That could be the final word. A fight that must be kept alive. In the recesses of the heart and mind. A cool calculated determination not to give in, to so much around, even though it is tempting. And to churn all the distress into a subtle hope. To stoke hope with the charges of negatives.
Copyright © 1999 Indian Express Newspapers (Bombay) Ltd.
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This story was printed from Net Express located at http://www.expressindia.com. Net Express provides a portal to India, with news from The Indian Express and The Financial Express along with sites on travel and tourism, the entertainment industry, the power sector, the environment and much more.
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