With life on its last ebb, Chinaman pens a diary to defy death

With life on its last ebb, Chinaman pens a diary to defy death
REUTERS

SHANGHAI, NOV 23: Lu Youqing, knowing each day could be his last, is immortalising his final thoughts in a journal entitled "Life's Parting Words" to be published on Friday.

The 37-year-old former advertising executive was told in February he had just three months left to live, according to a website which has published excerpts of Lu's diary.

He started chronicling his views in sombre diary entries which a Chinese website began to publish in August, drawing sympathetic responses nationwide.

"When I think my days are numbered and my health might dry up by the day, I know the diary is the best form," writes Lu, who was diagnosed with stomach cancer in 1994.

"This is my way of defying death and keeping my dignity."

"Life's Parting Words" will hit Shanghai bookstores at 18 yuan a copy ($2.20), containing Lu's memoirs from August 3 to October 23, when excruciating pain forced him to stop writing.

"Holding the book in his hands, he said he had rescued it from death's hands," Lu's wife Shi Muyuan told Reuters on Thursday, smiling slightly.

Lu was involved in almost every aspect of the book subtitled "Death Diary", from the simple white cover to pictures of him, his wife and their 11-year old daughter.

"He intended it as a gift to his daughter," Shi said in a rare interview from Lu's hospital in Shanghai. "Because he knew he wouldn't see her grow up, he included a lot of valuable lessons for her."

Lu's condition had been worsening daily, Shi said, and has forced him to turn down most interview requests in recent weeks.

He does not speak much but his eyes seemed alert, following visitors in and out of his sun-drenched hospital room. The only sign of illness is a large bulge in his neck, a tumour which makes it hard for him to speak.

Lu was admitted on November 7 and spends much of his time gazing out of the window from his bed as he no longer has the strength to type.

He was close to death, said a spokeswoman for the website which published his diary, www.rongshu.com.cn.

The Chinese literature major's journal entries swing between melancholy reflection and nostalgic reminiscence. His plight has drawn the attention of the media and websurfers across China.

"There are so many people keeping a close eye on what I am writing about and what I am enduring. I feel the efforts I've made and the pain I've suffered are well rewarded," wrote Lu.

A special bulletin board had been set up on the website to receive readers' responses and attracts about 15 messages a day.

"I don't know yet how I'll live the rest of my life, but when I die I think I want to be just like you," writes a reader identified as Source.

Another reader called Butterfly said: "I want you to know you will never be a lonely soldier on death's battlefield, we're behind you."

"It is you who has cured all of us of our diseases ... In today's world, your diary is like a breath of refreshing wind," Cdcy wrote in a poem.

Shi said she would continue to draw strength from Lu'swords after his death.

"There will always be dark clouds in the sky, but the book will always be with us. Blue sky and sun will eventually emerge," she said softly.