Lesbians cry for space but very few care

Lesbians cry for space but very few care
SAIKAT DATTA

PANCHGANI, DEC 4: She is also a woman. A factor that complicates and adds to the denial of rights to a woman who just happens to love other women. It is an eclectic group of women at the National Conference on Human Rights. Some young and some old, here to ask for a right to live within a space they can rightfully call their own.

In a society where homosexuality is discussed only in whispers, this is a confused group which fights loneliness in a confused world. ``All my life I am told that I have to grow up, marry a nice looking man and then have kids. But the fact is I don't love men,'' says Depika from Sangini, a group that supports lesbian women.

For long a sexual minority, they are looking for an identity and space. A simple fact that is denied every day in their secret lives. ``There is no legal standing, no counselling and no understanding. Instead we have to face ostracisation and prosecution from parents and peers,'' says Depika.

The first step is in recognising this as discrimination. From self to the community, both have to come to terms with the fact that this is a denial of human rights. And being a woman doesn't make it any easier. With a subjugated history in society, getting to express their sexual freedom becomes a dream.

In India there is some succour from the fact that there is no organised hatred towards gays and lesbians. ``Unlike the West we don't have any case of organised hate movements against this community,'' points out Arvind Narayan of the Alternative Law Forum. His Bangalore-based group has been fighting for the rights of sexual minorities among other issues for the past few years.

But there have been cases of individual harassment and humiliation. ``Many cases of police extorting money or subjecting gays to illegal detention simply because they were with other men come in,'' he says. And these, though less in number, speak of attitudes that need to change.

``There's always this sense of loss when you discover who you are,'' says Aaron. An American presently settled in Delhi, she is also with Sangini. ``Why am I not like the others you keep asking yourself, and this question of identity becomes a constant search.''

Many a time telling their parents is the biggest block. Where do you begin to tell them how you feel, they ask. And the reactions are in a set pattern. From denial to anger to rejection in most cases and acceptance for a lucky few. The rest just confine themselves to a conventional marriage and live lives that have no meaning. ``It leads to cases of depression but we can't even highlight that because then it would be construed that since we are lesbian, we are susceptible to depression. No one really bothers about the fact that we are human and women,'' says Depika.

Fighting a law like Section 377 under the Indian Penal Code still brands them as deviants. In search for an identity, they gather at various psychiatry conferences to be heard. Heard in the hope that they too have an identity in a world that thrives in the conventional norm.