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Ajay Devgan on what makes marriages tick, despite the seven-year itch
The world is made up of three kinds of couples. There are those who are happily unmarried, those who are unhappily married and then the rare breed, the ones who are happily married. In my opinion, happy marriages begin when we marry the ones we love, and they blossom when we love the ones we marry.

Marriage is the most important decision of one’s life and it needs to be taken after a lot of thought and consideration. Marriage is a promise that you publicly make to someone. It’s a commitment that brings with it a lot of responsibilities. If you aren’t sure of your decision, please don’t get into it. After all, nobody is putting a gun to your head. Marry only when you are truly ready. The fact is that there is nothing wrong with the institution of marriage. It’s just that people tend to contradict their decision.

That’s what I’ve tried to show in my directorial venture, U Me Aur Hum. The film tells the story of a couple who fall in love, solve problems with a lot of laughter and make it come true. Of course, marriages can never be complete without problems. In the journey of life, a married couple will have to face hurdles, some of which will seem insurmountable. But no problem is bigger than man; man makes the problem bigger than himself.

If two people are truly committed to their love, they will deal with their problems and come out of it smiling. There can be some tears on the way but if you can cry together and then laugh together, it will all work out. It’s like the dialogue in my film, “Agar pyaar ko paane ke liye junoon zaroori hai toh pyaar ko nibhaane ke liye bhi junoon zaroori hai.”

In my experience, marriages break down when love and respect is missing. Sure, there are certain cases when a third party is involved or the couple is genuinely incompatible, but mostly problems crop up when we stop making the effort. Normally, when we are wooing a person we always put the best foot forward but when we get that person, we show our real side. Why do we stop making the same effort after the wedding? It just needs two minutes. You just need to go up to your spouse and say I love you. I do that with my wife, Kajol.

It’s quite simple really. Like the title of my film says, U remain u, Me remains me and still we remain Hum and still we survive. The idea is to be yourself and yet be together so as to not to lose one’s identity. That’s why I’ve never stopped Kajol from doing anything that she wants to. I’ve never asked her to give up work or work with only certain kind of people. That is not my area at all. I just want to see her happy and whatever makes her happy, makes me happy. Marriage is all about celebrating your differences. It’s not a ritual or an end. It is a long, intricate, intimate dance together.

Of course, fights are bound to happen. But one must try and not stretch the fight and not let ego take over. I’ve no qualms in saying sorry to my wife when it’s my fault. The best way to defuse tension is to just crack a joke. Humour is the best problem-solver. That’s what I’ve tried to show in U Me Aur Hum. I’ve not tried to make a classic. I’ve made a commercial film that has its heart in the right place.

To be fair, personally, I’d like to apply 100 per cent of all that I’ve said but come on, let’s face it: if I do that then I’m God. But that doesn’t mean I stop making the effort. Of course since we also have a child, we are deeply committed to giving our best to our marriage. All the heavy-duty stuff aside, simply put, if you can fall in love many times but always with the same person then there is no reason why you won’t have your own “happily-ever-after”.
(The writer debuts as a director with U Me Aur Hum)

editor@expressindia.com

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