TWILIGHT

DIRECTOR: Catherine Hardwicke

CAST: Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart, Billy Burke, Taylor Lautner

RATING: ***

It’s easy to see why the Twilight books would be such monstrous bestsellers: a teenage girl with two left feet and a tendency to trip falls in love with a much-too handsome boy; a love that is forbidden and needed to be kept a secret; a love more dangerous than any that comes; and a story that has them yearning “achingly”, “heart-poundingly”, “stomach-flutteringly” for each other, every third line, except it can’t be taken that far.

The problem is how do you portray the maddening attraction that is the life blood of Stephenie Meyer’s skeletal books on screen? Of course, it can’t be said aloud as much as it can be written about, and so the hope is in the two teenagers who famously fill in as Isabella Swan (Stewart) and Edward Cullen (Pattinson). Unfortunately, the task of the innocent ingénue and the devastatingly handsome vampire is a little beyond them.

It’s not that they don’t try, with Pattinson trying to find the right balance between glaring and what could pass off as smouldering looks. Stewart, who is not as hapless as her book character, goes for solemnity that’s sometimes much too sullen for a girl ready to fling into a vampire’s arms. The rest of the Cullens are almost unrecognisable wallpaper, with the exception of Alice. Fans are also likely to be disappointed by the choice of Jacob (Lautner), who will play an important part in the series. Bella’s father Charlie (Burke) is the only one who has got his role down pat.

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