Middle man

When my wife subtly reminded me to cut my overgrown toenails, little did I imagine that the task would be a challenge in itself. Armed with the nail-cutter, I tried to reach the superfluous growth at the extreme end of my body, but to no avail. While I could take care of my fingernails from time to time, it was the toenails that eluded my attention. Was it due to the shoes, which covered the sight of my toenails for most part of the day, shielding them from the onslaught of the implement?

The real culprit lay between the position of my eyes and the position of my toenails, right in the middle. I have come across several obstacles, but never one that grew on me! The central growth, often attributed to prosperity, was the cause of my predicament. Several tidbits regularly made their way into my mouth between sumptuous meals, and were the cause of my “all-round” growth. Help began pouring in from well-wishers. “Let me tell you a simple yoga for this,” said one. “When you are offered some more food… look the person in the eye, shake your head sideways, until the offer is withdrawn.” How could I overcome my cravings for all things sinfully sweet? After Oscar Wilde, “I can resist anything, but temptation.”

My sedentary lifestyle! The only time I walked was when I “walked through” a Powerpoint presentation, and the only time I “jumped”, was when I was in a queue. “Aerobic exercises. Turn on your music system and dance vigorously, as though no one is seeing you,” prescribed a fitness expert. After a couple of days of the near-hysterical workout, I was hurting in parts of my body that I never knew existed. The deeper meaning of “dard-e-disco” dawned on me. My next well-wisher, a salesperson by profession, urged me to buy a treadmill and some exercise accessories, which he could offer at a “special price”, so that I could burn my fat at home. After learning of the damage it would cause to my bank balance, I decided to go for a brisk walk around the neighbourhood, instead. At last, my first step in my long brisk walk has been taken. It is said that a journey of a thousand miles begins with a small step. I have miles to go before I reach my own toenails!