Right. Now hear this: to learn everything you always already knew about anything, just watch TV news. On Diwali learn to light a candle, on Christmas Eve learn to fill a stocking full of gifts by stuffing them in, on New Year’s Eve learn to keep awake till the midnight hour And thank Aaj Tak, all day yesterday, for teaching women (not just wives, as we learnt) how to fast on Karva Chauth: first, don’t eat, second don’t drink, third don’t eat...

Next: when a young anchor believes he is judge, juror, prosecutor and defence attorney by turn, switching gowns and roles with every commercial break, it’s time to debar him. Nothing is more criminal than the delusion of some TV anchors some of the time, all anchors some of the time, and some anchors all of the time, that they are tele evangelists with the power to solve everything. Oh God!

Makes you very, very angry. Take Mr Headlines Today, aka, the man with all reasons for all seasons. He had Srija and Shirish, the newly wed runaway bride and bridegroom from actor Chiranjeevi, at his mercy. Shirish slumped in his chair from the onslaught, Srija tottered on the brink of falling off hers. Mr HT asked Srija what she wanted from Chiranjeevi and when she replied assurances for their safety, he turned to Srija’s uncle who in different ways promised her “it’s over — come back”. Everyone watching the sequence remembered Rizwanur and thought, well, maybe it isn’t over, maybe it’s just begun.

... contd.