Director: Priyadarshan

It’s been touted as Indian cinema’s ‘first psychological thriller’, whatever that means. What Bhool Bhoolaiyan is, is just a plain old ghost story, tarted up by loads of befuddling tantra, mantra and an Akshay whose connect with his audiences is more potent than any magic spell.

Shiney and Vidya arrive from the US as newly-weds to their haunted haveli somewhere in rural India. It’s the kind of no-name village Priyadarshan is a past-master at creating, giving you no clue as to where, geographically, it could be. A locked room intrigues the giggly new bahu, and the next thing we know, it is opened up. Naturally, the spirits that were locked in, come floating out, and all kinds of spooky things happen.

Among them is the arrival of Akshay Kumar, who shows up an hour into the film, and takes it over. Nothing anyone is given to do from this point on — Paresh’s tired gags, Asrani’s even more tired ones, Amisha Patel’s hysterical outburst — can take the spotlight away from him. Akshay is Priyan’s ace-in-the-pack, who acts as an all-in-one: a prime jokester, a well-read psychologist, and an exorcist. It doesn’t really matter what he does: everytime he comes on, he rocks the rafters.

Meanwhile, sit through some ear-splittingly loud mumbo-jumbo, a kohl-ringed Vidya Balan reeling off a Bangla song (the bhoot was a Bengali dancer, see?), and a rousing court dance, where she pairs off with Vineeth, that superb actor-dancer from the South.

This is Akshay’s show all the way. Everybody, and everything else, is besides the point.