ME: What’s all this music about?

PARTY SPOKESPERSON or PS (clearing his throat): Vande Maataram/ Sujalaam suphalaam malayaj...Sorry just practising. Each party worker has been given the responsibility of mastering the song. The party has a cunning new plan to capture the hearts and minds of Indians. It’s simple: the Mataram is the Message.

ME (puzzled): Sorry, didn’t get it. Correct me if I’m wrong but does the BJP have plans to start a band?

PS: Shiitalaam/ Sasyashyamalaam maataram (he spluttered angrily). You media people bring all down to your petty level.

ME (suitably squashed): Right.

PS: Shubhrajyotsnaa pulakitayaaminiim/ Pullakusumita drumadala shobhiniim/ Suhasiniim sumadhura bhaashhiniim/ Sukhadaam varadaam maataram...We wish to demonstrate to the nation that ours is the only political party that can strike the right chord with people.

ME: Quite.

PS: Koti koti kantha kalakalaninaada/ karrale/ koti koti bhujairdheitakharakaravaale...Our singing shall sweep through our beloved matrabhoomi.

ME (sceptical): But don’t people expect something a little more..er..substantial from a major political party?

PS: Abalaa keno maa eto bale/ bahubaladhaariniim namaami taariniim/ Ripudalavaariniim Mataram...Voters are intelligent. They will see Bharatmata Shining in our song.

ME: Yes, but you will soon have to face elections in places like UP and Punjab, and that will be no song-and-dance.

PS: Turni vidyaa turni dharma/ Turni hridi turni marma/ Tvam hi praanaah shariire...Precisely. Voters will realise that the BJP is the only party that can deliver notes.

ME (alarmed): But bribing people is against Election Commission norms?

PS: Baahut tuni maa shati/ Heidaya turni maa bhakti...Notes, madamji, musical notes. Our music will sweep them off their feet, our words will fill their heart with love for the Motherland. ‘Sing Vande Mataram or Leave the Country’, is our message.

ME: But is just one song enough to convince so many voters?

PS: Tomaara I pratimaa gadi/ Mandire mandire...We can always think of adding more patriotic songs to the list over time.

ME: Thank you, spokesmanji, for sharing your party strategy with me. I can now tell readers that the BJP is on song.

I hastily left the BJP headquarters before spokesmanji, who was clearing his throat to continue with his rendition of the Vande Mataram, could begin again. I came away convinced that this was a party with a future and it had a clear winner on their hands. The BJP may not end up sweeping the elections, but they had an excellent chance of nabbing the top slot in the next Indian Idol challenge.