Bodyguard

Indian Express rating: *½

‘Bodyguard’ can also safely be called In which Salman Continues to Give Us Those Ones. Let me count the ways.

Salman’s pumped-up chest is the hero of the film. Bodyguard Lovely Singh wears it puffed out to there,so that the arms have to be held akimbo. All the time.

The pectorals are a close second. There’s enough scope to admire them,especially in a song whose words could have been : hup one two,arms up,elbows up.

Divya-the-heroine’s bod,which Salman is hired to guard,is svelte and sleek. This is evident even in Kareena’s modest salwaar kameez. All she does is slobber over her phone,and not her hunky bodyguard,who calls her Madam. Madam? That’s right.

The sleek-and-svelte body of the item girl,namely Katrina,is much more on display,even if it’s on very briefly,and very soon after the film opens. Keep that in mind if you want catch the Kat Can.

The heroine’s father is played by Raj Babbar who reminds you of all the bad guys he played in his youth. Especially when he shows all his teeth.

The sidekick is played by a fat guy who’s called Tsunami (Rawail). Why,because he rolls over us,like large waves? Har har.

The heroine’s friend (Keech) wears thick spectacles and bleats prettily. Example : Divyaaa,tum aisa kar rahi ho? Divyaaa,tum aisa mat karo. There is something else she gets to do,but for that you’ll have to stay till the end of the film.

The heroine’s aunt is played by an almost unrecognizable Vidya Sinha. Why is she there? No one seems to know,least of all her.

‘Bodyguard’ sparks only when Salman is slamming ‘em off the walls,with his trademark smile and snarl. You wish Siddique,who’s also done the Malyalam and Tamil versions of the film,had put him in more action sequences. In the rest,Salman’s made to be a moony-eyed sap,which makes him an earnest,very dull boy indeed. The kindest thing one can say about this one is that it is better than ‘Ready’. Just a tad. But who cares? You want Bhai,you’ve got Bhai.

shubhra.gupta@expressindia.com