Chatur Singh,Two Star

Indian Express Rating: *

Spoiler alert! I am about to tell you the story of this film!! Wait.

Apologies,dear readers. There is no story in ‘Chatur Singh,Two Star’. And the only story to ‘Chatur Singh,Two Star’ seems to one of delusion : that the people involved in it,were making a film.

But having spent two hours of sitting through this tripe,I will share this. That Sanjay Dutt plays Chatur Singh the bumbling cop like no has ever played bumbling cops before. No,not even Peter Sellers,whose mooch and overcoat and cadences Dutt tries taking over,with very painful results. So there’s Dutt mooching about a room,all very Clouseau-ish,tripping over curtains. And then there’s Dutt being transported to S Africa in search of killers and diamonds and oh,I give up.

Meanwhile,there’s Ameesha,who seems to have dropped the Patel from her name ( at least in the opening credits),and all pretences of being an A Lister. She is to be seen trying to entice Gulshan Grover,in a plunging red bustier,singing : “apni jawaani hai Meena Bazaar,main jungle ki hirni hoon karle shikaar”. In other parts,she’s kitted out in short skirts,and reams of giggles,and some sort of bunny suit,in a climax where all the actors get to hop around in fake fur. Yes,I stayed till the bitter end.

The idea was to see if this film could go straight into the so bad it’s good category. But  I’m past all that now. All I see is a bunch of actors,even good ones like Sanjay Dutt on a good day,Anupam Kher on most days,and Satish Kaushik on any day,flailing around,looking for a line that’s not a sinker. Dutt wears Harlequin outfits ( one pant leg red,the other black),and a let’s-get-this-over-with expression. Ameesha I’ve already told you about. Kaushik shows up in several guises ( cabbie,madman,badman). And Kher gets kicked in the nuts,several times over,when he is not doing blackface : it’s set in South Africa,see?

The film ends with Chatur Singh holding out the promise of three stars and a sequel.

shubhra.gupta@expressindia.com