Clothes and Conventions

For instance,I thought funerals were the last refuge of sanity. You wore white,wiped the grin off your face and mouthed the appropriate,“I am so sorry for your loss”. Not quite,it seems. Even though it’s been over three weeks since his passing,I am still scarred by the images taken at Shammi Kapoor’s funeral. Most mourners,specially the men,looked like they had rolled out of bed. Unshaven faces hidden behind dark glasses,torn denims and scuffed trainers seemed to be the norm. A few,under the mistaken belief that they were making a concession for mourning,had hastily buttoned up crumpled white shirts.

In sharp contrast were the women who got it right by sticking to white kurtas and salwars. Alas,they were let down terribly by a yesteryear star — who normally dresses rather traditionally,albeit tackily — who turned up in Mom jeans and a short kurti.

So,why am I so outraged? For a start,whatever happened to paying your respects to the dead? Sure you can argue that they no longer care about your sartorial choice,but what message are you sending their family? That you don’t care about their grief. That you couldn’t be bothered to dress appropriately to convey your condolences. What you choose to wear and when is the clearest signal you send out to the world.

If you are going to a cocktail,you are likely to wear an LBD or something equally chic. On the other hand,if you are heading out to a business meeting,power dressing would be your mode. And if you were getting married,your trousseau choices would be planned to the last detail. Have you ever seen an Indian bride dressed in black? This mishap has never occurred,simply because society has deemed it unfit. And this unwritten code has never been ignored. So,if we can be so considerate at the time of celebration,why are we so callous when it comes to condolences?

My outrage is particularly severe for our so-called celebrities. We give them the status of demigods and forgive them everything. But do we have to accept their self-absorption as well? These are people who hire professional makeup artists and personal stylists to go to the mall. Are you telling me that they can’t call their grandmothers or mothers for advice on what to wear to a sombre service? Given that attendance at a funeral is now a guaranteed photo op,I am surprised they don’t treat it more seriously.

The other fear I have is that given our propensity to emulate stars and public figures,will we soon be comfortable with shorts and baggy tees at a funeral? Death has to remain sacred. And whether you are there to comfort the family or honour the deceased,there is only one way to conduct yourself: With respect.

Let me highlight the careers of two young men struck with tragedy. Rahul Mahajan at his father’s funeral in blue jeans. Rahul Gandhi at Rajghat in his pristine khadi kurta-pyjama. Look how they turned out. One reduced to picking his second bride on a televised swayamvar. And the other a golden child who can do no wrong in the eyes of the nation.

tothemannerborn@expressindia.com