As if pesticides in colas were not enough. RSS’s Cow Protection Department will now launch a soft drink with cow urine as its base ingredient. The drink, they say, will give competition to Pepsi and Coca Cola. The Cow Protection Department of the RSS has still not given thought to how it will preserve the urine. Calling it a “revolution”, the department claims that the demand of cow urine will increase if it is served in form of a cold drink. They also feel that the fact that the drink will cost half of any other cola in the market will lead to its popularity. In that case, why not just drink water from the toilet, since it’s free of charge.

The party has not yet come out with a marketing campaign either. I wonder if the party will force its ideologies on people through this drink. Each bottle will probably come with a set of guidelines to follow while drinking, such as, “To avoid adverse effects, do not mix this cola with alcohol” or “Do not drink on Valentine’s Day”. What about the packaging? Would the drink be called ‘cow-ka cola’? How are they going to convince people to drink anything with urine in it? It’s hard to believe that the drink will sweep the market, as the RSS thinks it will.

However, if a day were to come when people would give up their favourite colas (given a brilliant marketing strategy) for one that contains cow urine, how exactly will it be good for the cows? Since it’s a natural ingredient, there is only so much urine a number of cows will be able to produce. In that situation, the next obvious step will be to inject cows with steroids and artificial hormones for an increase in urine production. Just because the cows will be producing urine for a soft drink does not mean that they will be freed from their milk producing responsibility. Hence, more artificial hormones and steroids. In which case, the department isn’t exactly working towards the benefit of the cows. So, at the end of it all, the cows will probably need someone to protect them from the Cow Protection Department.

... contd.