CAST: Fardeen Khan, Esha Deol, Isha Koppikar

DIRECTOR: Ram Gopal Varma

Every once in a while RGV keeps coming back to ghosts: remember his most successful tryst with chalky female aatmas, Bhoot? As well as Raat and Kaun: the last two, even if not as polished as Bhoot, had their share of chills and thrills and spills.

With Darling, he’s lost the plot twice in as many weeks. Thwarted lover Esha dies when Fardeen pushes her hard against the sharp edge of a wall. She climbs out of her muddy grave in the same white shift-with-only-a-hint-of-bosom showing and crimson stilletoes she was wearing when she popped it, and starts making like the Hutch pug, following Fardeen everywhere he goes, in coffee bars, in his office, and in his bedroom, when he is trying to make out with wife Isha. Fardeen shakes, rattles and rolls. Esha grimaces and shows her teeth. Isha looks more like a 'bai' than a wife, and alternates between simpering and snarling.

And there’s not one scary moment in the whole, just unintended laughter the misguided 'ghost' and her victims provide.

What's with you, Ramu?