Do we need a foreign policy?

Dear TV-Watching Indian Public: Foreign Policy is boring. You prefer IPL and Saas-Bahu expressed through TRP ratings and SMS messages. I have decided today to abandon Foreign Policy.

Dear Public of India who do not watch TV: You are worried about corruption, state oppression, poor education (in Government schools where unionised teachers do not show up while sending their own children to private schools), poor healthcare centres (where doctors do not show up and medicines are stolen), poor water supply (as ground water aquifers are exploited by the rich who call themselves farmers getting free power and subsidised diesel), poor sanitation and clogged drains which are a necessary element of our Indic/ Vedic/ Vedantic/ Hindutvic/ Composite Cultural/ Socialistic traditions which we cannot abandon. We have not been able to address your real problems; we have focused on Foreign Policy as my cabinet members and I get classy banquets when abroad. Foreigners, who have no sanitation problems appreciate us! Now NAM is dead and the UN (which does not give us Security Council membership, putting us at the same level as Burundi), the World Bank and IMF (which gave “tax-free dollar pensions” to our IAS officers) are defunct; it makes sense to abandon Foreign Policy and focus our energies on trying to improve your lot with large doses of rhetoric.

Dear Bangladesh President (whose name slips me): The Global Warming alarmist-experts tell us that your country is sinking. The only issue worth discussing between our two countries is a rational work-permit based migration policy. But since this subject is taboo on both sides, let us stop having meetings.

Dear Myanmar Junta: We don’t know who you are. Till now we have talked to illusions (in keeping with our traditions of faith in Maya). But our old allies, the comrades, and our new allies, the SP, have told us that Maya is unacceptable. We need to follow materialism, dialectically or otherwise. Hence we shall discontinue these illusory discussions.

... contd.