Here are some suggested letters to be signed by our Hon’ble Prime Minister.

Dear TV-Watching Indian Public: Foreign Policy is boring. You prefer IPL and Saas-Bahu expressed through TRP ratings and SMS messages. I have decided today to abandon Foreign Policy.

Dear Public of India who do not watch TV: You are worried about corruption, state oppression, poor education (in government schools where unionised teachers do not show up while sending their own children to private schools), poor healthcare centres (where doctors do not show up and medicines are stolen), poor water supply (as ground water aquifers are exploited by the rich who call themselves farmers getting free power and subsidised diesel), poor sanitation and clogged drains which are a necessary element of our Indic/ Vedic/ Vedantic/ Hindutvic/ Composite Cultural/ Socialistic traditions which we cannot abandon. We have not been able to address your real problems; we have focused on Foreign Policy as my cabinet members and I get classy banquets when abroad. Foreigners, who have no sanitation problems appreciate us! Now NAM is dead and the UN (which does not give us Security Council membership, putting us at the same level as Burundi), the World Bank and IMF (which gave “tax-free dollar pensions” to our IAS officers) are defunct; it makes sense to abandon Foreign Policy and focus our energies on trying to improve your lot with large doses of rhetoric.

Dear President Musharraf and Miscellaneous Pakistani Leaders: We have had meetings (inter-ministerial, inter-secretarial and back-channel) and summits. We have not resolved any issues. Your approach to Indo-Pak relations (for example, whether to increase support for cross-border terrorism) is dependent on your domestic politics and the changing relationships between your army, the ISI, politicians and jihadist groups. We can influence none of them. It is better to abandon government-to-government discussions and focus on cricket, Sufi music and other pointless areas that you can think of.

... contd.