How Strange is That?

Instead my hairdressers wait for me to come and then break down and tell me the painstaking details of their unhappy lives. Take the case of my French stylist. He just can’t find love. In India for several years now,he has repeatedly had his heart broken. Simply because the poor fool is an Indophile. If they aren’t “wheatish”,he won’t date them. One would think that since he is foreign the pickings would be rich. After all,isn’t it the great Indian dream to marry a foreign passport? Post the economic boom,it seems everything has changed. We would still prefer to live abroad but only if it comes with the tag of an NRI.

But these rules aren’t determined by a mind that is closed or old-fashioned. Heck,no! Parents have no qualms about their girls sowing their wild oats before marriage. As long as they don’t form an attachment that could lead to civil disobedience. Therefore,in this case the boy of choice should be foreign — since he invariably goes away.

Speaking to my very young friends revealed the most interesting fact. PYTs between 18 and 25 years of age keep a keen eye out for expat nights. Throw in Grade 2 pubs and these are hugely successful affairs due to the large attendance they command. But these swelling numbers don’t have that much to do with people looking for the company of their peers. This comes from the fact that smart Indian girls have figured out that these parties are perfect hunting grounds. They find a cute young boy,have a torrid fling but at the first sign of disapproval dump him for a pink Punjabi boy chosen by their grandmother.

The truth is that India is perhaps the rudest country when it comes to making its rules. We don’t like outsiders. Unless they come with money,fame or status. Even then we tolerate them till we have a use for them. For example,we are almost subserviently polite to diplomats. Why? We think in the long run they will help us jump the line when we apply for a visa. Ditto bureaucrats. Or politicians. Or industrialists. But will we let our Gujarati heiress marry a Punjabi investment banker? Only if they threaten to run away and cause embarrassment. Otherwise we would prefer to keep things within the baraadari.

This tag of community,however,is not about providing a support system. It has the more insidious role of keeping the troops within the ranks. After all,if everyone did what they wanted wouldn’t it result in complete anarchy? How else would parents impose their will on children and use them to fulfil their unresolved dreams? What would happen to the concept of complete control? We use the family to cloak the fact that we are bigots. If you don’t make tea the way we do then you must be inferior. And god forbid,your customs,language and geographical region are of a different latitude. Here I am not even discussing the scorn we heap on those who belong to a different faith. That is a tale filled with blood and shame.

What is even more reprehensible is that the more educated the class of Indian the more logical their disdain. They can argue a sane person into believing that it is a sin to accept difference. And that they are merely carrying out their dharma/karma by keeping their community free of impurities. Most young people are so convinced that they buy the logic that an arranged marriage is the only way to find happiness. Love has been thrown out of the window.

A few years ago Mumbai was labelled as India’s rudest city but the truth is we are perhaps the most liberal of all Indian metros. In Mumbai we are kind to strangers. We talk to them in bars,we invite them to our homes. We even let our most beautiful girls marry them. Many of Mumbai’s top models are married to or living with their foreign partners. Each one of these men is an Indophile and has contributed to the city’s cosmopolitan culture. I guess we are polite enough to live up to our reputation of being a “melting pot”. Too bad the rest of India ignores its perpetual slogan of unity in diversity.

tothemannerborn@expressindia.com