'I find myself unable to believe completely'

William Dalrymple, Writer and Historian.

What does Spirituality mean to you?

I grew up in a hyper-religious Catholic family in Scotland. My brother, my uncle, my grand-uncle all were priests or wished to be. My parents were extremely conscious of their Catholicism both as a form of identity and a religious practice. And I was too, until I came to India. The pluralism I encountered here had me question the tradition I grew up into. But if you grew up in some form of orthodoxy, even if you distance yourself from it, it creeps up in another manifestation --- and for me it is through my writings. I keep studying religion and my way of looking at spirituality has been to research it, looking at it intellectually rather than from a devotional point of view.

Do you believe you are guided and protected by a superior force?

Throughout my life, I have had amazing runs of luck, and I have always felt incredibly protected. But as soon as I try to intellectualize it, I find myself unable to take this further step that would imply full faith in a deity. In fact, I feel less sure today about the existence of a deity than I ever had before. In my childhood, I would interpret countless events and experiences as the work of some divine agency. I no longer do.

Do you believe you have a special mission or purpose in this life?

At the age of eighteen, I would have enthusiastically agreed. Today I wouldn’t subscribe to the idea of a special purpose. As a child, I wished to be an author and an archaeologist, and I ended up not too far, as an author and historian. But in fact, I have very few abilities --- I am hopelessly bad in anything to do with maths, I have no head for business, so I am lucky that at least I can write, because otherwise what would have I become?

... contd.