The Indian Express reported on March 19 (Don’t tell this to Jessica Lall’s father) and March 20 (What lies between murder and acquittal) how and why justice has been delayed and denied in the Priyadarshini Mattoo murder case. This is her father’s cry for help.

On July 1, 1999, I came to New Delhi for one and only one purpose: to hear the judge pronounce that Santosh Kumar Singh is guilty of killing my daughter Priyadarshini Mattoo. I looked heavenwards and said to my daughter: ‘‘Our day has come.”

I headed straight to Patiala Court from the airport. The judge gave another date for judgment.

More than a dozen dates were given and deferred. I, however, kept on showing up until one day the judge advised me, rather politely, that I should not come to court as I would anyway know about the judgment. Perhaps, he was concerned over my age and did not want an elderly man doing the rounds of the court. I found the judge’s words comforting and went back to my home in Jammu.

On the evening of December 3, 1999, I got a call from a newspaper editor telling me that the judgment in my daughter’s case is out and Santosh Kumar Singh is a free man now. This left me absolutely dazed. I heard the editor ask me for my comments on the judgment but I was unconscious by then. Fortunately, my cousin was with me. He called in the doctor and in the meantime informed my wife, who was with my elder daughter in Boston and my son in Canada.

Later in the day, when I regained my composure, I called up my wife. ‘‘It was an unexpected judgment,’’ she consoled and then we cried bitterly over the phone. ‘‘This is all I could do. There seems to be no remedy,’’ I told her in the end.

My wife Rageshwari Mattoo had moved out of India within months after my daughter was brutally murdered in Delhi. She was Advisor, NCERT, Jammu & Kashmir. She had two to three years pending for her retirement. But she sought premature retirement soon after Priyadarshini’s murder and went abroad.

I will never forget the night of December 3. I could not sleep and I was jittery. Logic failed me because the circumstantial and scientific (DNA report) evidence had fixed guilt on the accused. What went wrong then? The only solace I had was that the judge said he knew that the accused has committed the crime but he could not punish the accused in absence of sufficient evidence.

I was a broken man but the news against the judgment had started trickling down. Farooq Abdullah who had helped me get the case transferred to the CBI, said in a press conference: ‘‘If there is a need to sensationalise any news then it should be the loss of justice in the Priyardarshini Mattoo murder case.’’ Law Minister P L Handoo helped me obtain the copy of the judgment.

The judgment took a toll on me. I gave up my consultancy business as I could not concentrate on my work. I became a recluse. My wife insisted that I join her abroad but I withstood the pressure. I remembered a motto that was taught to us in my convent school: ‘‘Never Give up.’’

I also remember how my daughter used to unleash a spirited fight against injustice. I prepared myself, so that my daughter in heaven should not feel that I have lagged behind in getting justice for her.

Abdullah and Handoo arranged my meeting with the CBI Director. The iron was hot at that time as Parliament too had taken up the judgment in a big way. There was a prompt assurance from the then CBI director that he would hire the best criminal lawyer of the country, so that justice is delivered to me speedily.

Six years have passed since then.

I met four CBI directors and the case is yet to be listed for hearing. I mostly pass my time in Jammu. My daughter’s room in the house still remains untouched. It’s the same as she had left it—cosy and warm.

The room has her picture, on the shelves are books on Economics, Law and Commerce. And one corner is stacked with her favourite music collection by Begum Akhtar, Faiz Ahmed Faiz, Ghulam Ali and Lata Mangeshkar.

I do my puja here everyday. My daughter Priyadarshini had a beautiful voice and often used to record her voice reciting poems and ghazals. Those tapes are kept with a family friend in Delhi as no one in my family and I have any courage to listen to them.

When I heard the Jessica Lall verdict coming from the same courtroom and premises, it reminded me of my daughter Priyadarshini. Jessica was shot dead in front of the Who’s Who of the capital for no fault of hers. She was just working in that place. And the verdict belies that anything like this had happened. My heart goes out to her family. If I meet Jessica Lall’s father, I will sit next to him and weep. On his fate, on my fate.

I believe he could not take his daughter’s death and is suffering from amnesia. How can anyone compensate his loss? I would like to meet Jessica Lall’s family and others who share a fate like mine. We will petition the President of India to find a solution for people like us.

I have not given up. How can I?

Once, Priyadarshini even stalled a flight as she wanted to take her dog Snoopy along with her. The pilot said it was against aviation rules to allow anyone with pets on board. She insisted that there was no such rule in any lawbook which said dogs couldn’t board a flight. The plane was stalled for two hours and she walked on board only after the pilot apologised and Snoopy was allowed to travel.

I am the father of a woman who never gave up and fought till the very end. Tears may not roll in public, but inside, we continue to weep. Every day, waiting for the wheels of justice to move.

Jessica Lall’s father in ICU

GURGAON: Ajit Lall, father of Jessica Lall, is in the ICU of a Gurgaon hospital after a brain haemorrhage on Saturday, hospital sources said Monday night. Lall, 76, who had a stroke in November ‘02, two months after his wife’s death, was suffering from “short-term amnesia.” Jessica was murdered on April 30, 1999. Last month, the trial court acquitted all nine accused. After widespread outrage, the Delhi Police filed an appeal in the High Court early this month.