That’s enough to drain the colour from Papa. It’s his turn to turn black, and then white as she adds with ferocity, “You will now get a taste of my generosity”. Before she can display her large-heartedness, mobile rings. Airhostess to the scarlet woman. “I will shove your family out of this house,” threatens the latter with glittering eyes to match the diamonds in her ears, nose... wherever. “Oh no you won’t, Miss Kambatta,” replies Airhostess in sweet menacing tones, “Aryan is coming to see me.” Now, we don’t know who Mr Aryan is but the mere mention of his name drains her saree — and face — of all colour, which in turn sets off a chain reaction: Papa & Co. turn into ghosts, the drums go berserk. Aryan must be very important.

All of this has taken five minutes during which nothing has happened, and yet, courtesy special effects, we’ve been considerably exercised (like running on the spot?).

Onto Kahani Ghar Ghar Ki, where Om is enjoying a peaceful shut eye at the hospital.

Doctor (examining his face): Let’s remove his kidney.

Cymbals dash against each other like Great Khali running into himself (he’s home, by the way, in case you missed Star News), and resound with treachery; the wind howls in protest, the music shrieks in warning. Oh dear. Given the alarming impact it has had on the decibel level, we know this is no ordinary kidney operation, it’s a donor racket.

In Saat Phere, we’re in a majestic mansion where everyone has collected in the well of the house (!!). As in Airhostess, the mobile rings. Man switches on: “Ranbir has run away”. Well, well, that deserves a quarrel between the cymbals, surely. Sure enough, they race into a head on clash. Seconds later, the door opens, revealing a bearded wonder. Under normal circumstances, this would be the perfect moment for him (and the others) to turn pale; but he’s already in white having just run away from hospital, so there’s nothing to be done but to give him (and all those present) a close shave, sorry a close up. Time for a chant? Drums? Or shall it be loud, climactic music to herald momentous news? Loud music wins.

... contd.