What does spirituality mean to you?
It is peace, inner peace. It is not something I show to the outside world. It is about coming to terms with myself.

How do you go about achieving it?
There are constant turbulences in one’s daily life, whether at the professional, personal, or physical level. Our old dog just died for instance and of course it upsets me very much. So in some way or another, my mind and heart are constantly being disturbed, whereas I yearn for equilibrium, for equanimity.

Playing lots of games, doing yoga and the meditations it involves brings me peace, especially as I visualize sitting on a stream, listening to the sound of the water running by. I love nature, I love trekking in the mountains, I am an outdoors person.
Also, I go once a week to the temple, where I ask for peace and somehow centre myself. I am not very religious, but I believe in God, in the Almighty, I feel there is a destiny and that somebody is guiding that destiny.

What do you mean by destiny?
I do not believe all is written in stone. You carve your own destiny with your deeds. But certain things are given without your involvement, like the circumstances of your birth. The fact that I was born in a well-off family was part of my destiny. I could have squandered that wealth, or used it to get myself an education at Harvard for instance. I chose the latter. That was my choice and doing.
Also, at times in life I have definitely felt things happened not by virtue of being the most deserving but by being at the right place, at the right time, which is also about destiny.

Yet I do not believe in doing pujas, wearing stones and so on, in order to change my destiny. I sit in front of the mirror, I talk to myself and work at changing myself on my own. I do not need those external things.
So for me, life is a combination of my own free will, my own efforts and circumstances out of my control, triggered by a supernatural force.

What do you mean by “supernatural”?
Well, it is that combination of destiny and God. It is a superior being but a force which is also in me. Apart from going to a temple, I go at times on pilgrimages, say to Vaishno Devi or in Kerala. But when I address a deity there, it is about helping me realize that Being inside of me. I see a shape in front of me and that shape is nothing but a medium for me to realize that Self inside me. And I do not ask for things, I do not lobby with that God for more in life, apart from achieving peace, apart from calming those turbulent waters inside me.

Do you believe you have a special mission or purpose in life?
I don’t think so, because otherwise I would have to believe that everything is ordained. I have changed courses a few times in my life and have done very different things. We are brought into the world to carry out some good things of our own choosing. There is no general rule of what good deeds each one of us should do. What suits you may not be something I am capable of doing and the same, conversely, whereas I would like to do good deeds where I can be most effective.

How did you end up as Comptroller and Auditor General of India?
I grew up thinking I would be an engineer but my father convinced me to do economics and enter the services --- he and my brother were already engineers, why have one more in the family? I switched to arts at some point but did not like it. I felt it was almost bellow my dignity, whereas I had been cut out to become an engineer. On the other hand, I still dream of painting, and resent the fact I cannot draw well!
Anyway, I spent some time in Kerala for a while, and at the Centre. I was supposed to retire at 60 but felt the energy to continue; I wanted to contribute more and did not want to sit at home. When I was asked to become the CAG of India, I thought it was a good combination of all that I had been doing in the last ten years. But I would not do this job in a stereotypical manner.

Auditors are generally seen as operating in a narrow way with blinkers. I decided to give it a wider perspective. My mission in this job is very simple. Basically, we audit the Government. World over auditing is seen as fault finding, I wanted to do it differently and rather look at things with a fresh mind, very objectively, as an outsider and help things change for the better, suggesting ways to improve the Government’s delivery mechanisms.
Money is given from Delhi to the State capital; from there it goes to the district capital where it is supposed to be dispatched to little villages. Along the way, the channel has its inefficiencies and leakages. Like sound being carried, the resources’ potential and strength decline as they go down the delivery chain, whereas the strength is obviously most required at the ground level.
So I come with a new mindset and instead of just criticizing and pointing out failures, I try to suggest new ways of doing things, of upgrading the delivery systems and plugging loopholes. That’s my mission today.

Are you being listened to?
It took me one year to try and convince my own organization that it is possible, and that we can look beyond the short term, short sighted view of our mandate. It is not only about finding faults but helping them upgrade the system, and fight false excuses. For instance when people justify leakages arguing that salaries are low, I refuse to agree. Government salaries are fairly ok these days. And security of tenure is there! That level of confidence is worth the difference between a private and public sector salary. Especially as so many people have lost their jobs recently in the private sector, people realize the value of that security. These days, graduates of IIM Ahmedabad and IIM Bangalore are recruited mostly by the government sector! People are willing to live with less as long as they have the security.
So if pay is the problem justifying leakages, then those people should simply go to the private sector and get something for what they believe is their market value! Nobody forces them to be in the public sector.

At times of rough challenges, where do you find the energy?
I studied in economics a phenomenon called “challenge and response”: for me, the greater the challenge, the greater my response and motivation. If I am down and out for some reason, I actually feel I have to fight, forcefully. And I always perform better under pressure.
Each individual has a certain reserve of energy. I happen to draw that reserve at times of toughest challenges.
But again, even under pressure, I must find some degree of peace with myself. Then the best in me can come out.

You never felt let you down by God?
I never felt so. Besides, I really believe that God helps those who help themselves. God has created something for me and if I am not able to grab it with both hands, why should He give me a crutch all through life? If I really want something, I will try a hundred times if needed, but I will get it, and I will get it right.

If there was one question you could ask God, what would it be?
God has given me so many opportunities. Why did He choose me? I must have made Him happy in some way.

If you were to be reincarnated, what would you like to be reincarnated as?
I would leave it to God, because He gave me a gift, I made certain things out of it. So whatever He thinks I am best for, I will do.

What is your idea of happiness?
Being at peace with myself and spreading it around me.

But perfectionism is one of your core traits while peace is your core quest, two fundamentally contradictory things --- this must create a constant tension?
Of course. I am constantly trying to be perfect, which creates a constant lack of balance, while searching for peace, so I definitely have to go the temple at least once a week and ask God for peace!

Why can’t you abandon a bit of your perfectionist side?
I fear it may create further turbulence in me. Let’s say my bed is made in the morning and I drink my tea next to it. If the bed is not perfectly made, it drives me crazy. I’d rather have my tea cool down than be bothered that way. So it is all about the degree of turbulence…