As you must know, Rakhi Sawant did, ending the speculation of whether she would or wouldn’t chose her “life partner” in front of millions. Resplendent in all the jewellery she could find, and a pink/gold confection, she garlanded her man in front of a ‘live’ TV audience. Elesh Parujanwala, everyone’s favorite for the job of her bridegroom, then garlanded her. Dewy-eyed, they exchanged rings and ‘I love you’. Now, you thought, now they’re going to seal it with you-know-what and we’ll get what we’ve waited a long time for: the television kiss. Alas, they didn’t oblige us and the moment passed.

Rakhi ka Swayamvar (NDTV Imagine) ended with platitudes, pledges and ‘pandit’ of ceremonies Ram Kapur assuring us that when the couple got married, we’d be there. Aha, that’s the catch: while Rakhi has met her match, they want to get to know each other before, you know, marrying. Will they, won’t they...?

What stood out in the show, other than the tall Elesh, is this new Rakhi — demure and ceaselessly mouthing homespun philosophy right out of Ramayana on family values, traditions, the duties of a bahu etc. This wasn’t the Rakhi we knew. Although she was dressed the part of Rakhi S, item girl, the Rakhi of Swayamvar was the girl next door. Which was for real? Was the show for keeps? Maybe that’s for Elesh to find out.

Meanwhile, the first sensible contestant took her money and ran from the truth on Sach Ka Samna and on Dadagiri, the hunterwali anchor cracked her whip, plunged her chin into her well-displayed bosom and spat abuse at the contestant whose mouth was plunged inside a septic tank (or the equivalent): this fool, bl... What a dumb a...you are. Before he could return the compliments, he was tossed out of the tank, and show, raging like a bull.

... contd.