South Africans dont choke anymore,they suffocate

January 12: Despite scoring 33 and 16 and losing the second Test,Hashim Amla had received a refrigerator for playing his 50th Test match at Kingsmead. In the first ODI,he cracks 50 and SA wins by a whopping 135 runs,yet Amla returns home empty-handed.

January 13: En route to Sandton from the OR Tambo airport,a road-sign reads: Car Hijacking Point. Orlando Pirates Joburgs premier football side who are pitched in the same hotel,hijack a few of us in their team bus to their match. They lose,we return by foot.

January 14: Privileged to meet Norman Gordon at 99,the oldest living Test cricketer at the Houghton Golf Course. He still loves his cricket,except for all the chirping and sledging. I can imagine the Huttons of the world turning in their grave every time I see a batsman and a bowler exchange words. Gordon promises to watch the only match allotted to Wanderers when told that Sreesanth is not a likely starter.

January 15: Graeme Smith likes lengthy answers. No, he says,before staging a semi-walk out when asked if his side got complacent during their one-run loss to India. With a total time of 200 seconds,the skippers interaction with the media is a blink-and-miss one. Smith blinks,the SA media gives it a miss.

January 16: With choke being the word-that-must-not-be-mentioned-in-public in South Africa,the local dailies come up with a creative solution. SA suffocates,again, reads the headline in a popular tabloid in Cape Town.

January 17: When asked why a ball does more under the lights at Newlands,MS Dhoni replies,I dont know to be honest. I picked that up from the commentators when I used to watch ODI matches. Incidentally,Dhoni reveals that the first time he was forced to watch a full ODI was when he made his debut against Bangladesh in 2004.

January 18: It takes a shade over 30 minutes for a fan from Cape Town to reach the suburban Newlands ground by train,passing picturesque stations such as Woodstock,Salt River,Mowbray and Rondebosch. It takes a fan three sixes from Yusuf Pathans blade in one Johan Botha over to make a rapid exit.

January 19: The flight from Cape Town to Port Elizabeth crosses over from the green of the Atlantic Ocean in the Western Cape to the blue of the Indian Ocean in the Eastern province. Many blaring changes come to notice over the Garden Route from big city to small town. Yet,the queue to buy Herschelle Gibbss autobiography To the Point at the PE airport remains the same as the other big cities. PE is divided into two parts. Those who own a copy of Gibbss book,and those who wait in the queue.

January 20: If subtlety is what youre looking for,SA merchandise stalls outside St Georges Park the oldest cricket ground in the country is not your cup of tea. Every look-alike is up for sale,from Amlas beard masks to Morne Morkels stilt-legs. Pat Symcoxs fat-suit,though,takes the cake.

January 21: With a city wide power cut,the big worry in PE is whether electricity will return in time to flow through the veins of the floodlights for the second innings. St. Georges Brass Band reverberates with energy to keep the packed house interested without the modern day crutches of announcements and replays. The digital screen buzzes back to life just to post a personal message to JP Duminy Jou Lekker Ding JP. Meaning One good thing is JP. Two good things happen,SA draw level 2-2.

January 22: Visit Fanie de Villierss mansion in Centurion. He begins the fabled armpit rub on Tour de Fanie (his private nets),takes a six-step run-up and hurls down a couple of rank half-volleys. It used to help with reverse swing, he explains coyly. Conditions,though,dont apply to rubber balls.

January 23: On the metro-rail track that forms a parabolic background to Supersport Park,a giant cloth covers the cement structure,bearing a clever line,Faster than a running Steyn. After Yusuf Pathan nearly derails him,the message is removed quickly. Morkel though can do no wrong at home,and the banner soon returns with a last-minute improvisation. Faster than a running Steyn is Morne Morkel.