‘Stardom is an outcome,not the goal’

(Laughs) Thank you. I think each one of us thinks,so I am everyone’s …(Laughs)

Children will start loving you only if your films don’t start getting A-tags.

Right. My last two films have been A films.

But you have done something for children as well. Paa,for example.

Yes,Paa and even Lage Raho Munna Bhai and Bhool Bhulaiyaa. Many people told me they were spooked out by Bhool Bhulaiyaa. A friend was supposed to meet me around the week of the film’s release. I said let’s meet in the night and he said no,I will meet you during the day,I don’t want to meet you in the night for a while.

So,after Ishqiya,did a lot of men want to meet you or did they avoid you? Would they be driven by a fatal attraction or would they be wiser?

I think,for men,when they are attracted,it doesn’t matter.

You did a great job of looking so vulnerable in every scene in Ishqiya,and turning out to be so cruelly manipulative.

I guess that was the character. The brief was that whenever these two men look at her,they should be smitten by her vulnerability,and not know that they are being manipulated so effortlessly.

Did you feel like a bitch doing that role,if I could use that expression?

(Laughs) I felt good,completely in control,extremely desirable. I liked that manipulative streak. I don’t know whether I felt like a …

Something that rhymes with bitch. You should not be coy having used the language you did in the film.

I like the fact that she was playing these two men. I think women are capable of doing that,but we are so conditioned to play coy.

Did you go home sometimes overwhelmed by the role?

We were in Panchgani for two months and that helped. You are in a different zone when you are doing a film. I prefer shooting outside Mumbai. You’re in another mindspace. This was the first time I was getting to play a woman who isn’t apologetic about anything. She was the mirch-masala tadka.. she was all of it.

Have you liberated yourself from this success-stardom trap that afflicts all young women in Bollywood — if I do a film,the sole criterion of doing it should be that it should be a big hit?

I have figured that there are no rules to stardom or success. There’s only one thing that works — conviction. If I am convinced about something,I will do it to the best of my ability,and if the film is also made with that kind of conviction,it works. Today,you can’t make sweeping judgements or predictions like formula doesn’t work or only formula works,because where an Ishqiya works,so does a Dabangg.

How did that liberation happen? You were also in that trap?

Most definitely.

Describe that period.

I came in very liberated,happy to be myself,and then,somewhere along the line,I began to feel this was that long-cherished dream of being in films,of being an actor who people recognised. And then,you suddenly want to hold on to it,and you wonder what is the formula that other people use to hold on to — “Okay,this must be it”. I didn’t realise that I was being liked for being myself. I tried to fit into the mould and failed miserably.

You tried to be Kareena,Katrina and Priyanka.

Everyone,before them and after them.

And then you discovered you were Vidya.

Absolutely. And it’s been the happiest discovery. There is nothing more liberating than being oneself and being liked for that.

What liberated you?

I come from a non-film family.

So you are only as good as your next film.

That’s true. But what liberated me was the fact that directors were coming to me not because I could be anyone else,but I could play anyone else. They were coming to me because I could play different characters. They didn’t want me to play Vidya Balan again,and that was a very happy realisation. To be yourself and make choices to be different people on screen. Ever since that realisation,Paa,Ishqiya and No One Killed Jessica happened. The kind of roles being offered to me are diverse,challenging and fulfilling.

In between,you did some rubbish films,if I may say so.

Yes. More than the films being rubbish,I wasn’t convinced and that showed through my performances. That’s what I realised.

The totally fake activist in Kismat Konnection.

I thought I was someone who finds playing different people challenging. And I had done that up till Bhool Bhulaiyaa. So,I was telling myself this was child’s play and did it without conviction. I sleepwalked through the film and it showed. I am very grateful that I went through that journey,that process,so early in my career.

So,was Kismat Konnection that cathartic moment?

I think Heyy Babyy and Kismat Konnection coming back-to-back was a cathartic moment. There was a Bhool Bhulaiyaa in between that got lost.

I always give the example of Jack Nicholson. When he plays a role,he becomes that character. He is not Jack Nicholson. When people see you on screen,they don’t see Vidya Balan in one more role.

I think it’s a huge compliment when that happens. After Paa,my mom told me,“You know,I could have never thought of you as Auro’s mother,but there you were and I had forgotten you were my daughter.” That was one of the biggest compliments for me.

You also got so much flak from the usual suspects when you were trying to do those starry films,but not now. Everybody loves you.

Yes. But I don’t think that’s true because it’s a matter of time. I have gone through a learning curve. I think what I also realised is that stardom is an outcome. It can’t be the goal.

You are in the world of glamour,and you seemed to be saying,“I am giving up the idea of glamour of this kind”. Did it worry you for a moment or you just tossed it?

For me,on screen,if someone expects me to be glamorous,because the role requires it,I will happily be so,but if not,then no. Unfortunately,what happens is that the so-called glamorous parts lack substance most of the time. They are very fluffy,very superficial. They have their limitations. But I am getting to do far more. For example,in my next film,The Dirty Picture,I will have to be extremely glamorous.

Silk Smitha,no less,thunder-thighs and all.

(Laughs) It’s going to be one hell of a role. I am extremely nervous about this one.

Nervous?

Nervous,because as I see it,she was someone who was sexually offensive in some ways. I have seen some of her videos and I was like,“My God,really.” But that’s fun — the fact that I don’t identify with a large part of her personality.

What is the nastiest thing somebody said about you when you were going through that confused phase?

Someone had once written that with clothes like these,she should not be stepping out of her house. That really hurt.

And then you found Sabyasachi.

(Laughs) Yes,and then I found Sabyasachi. It’s interesting that a lot of people at that time reassured me about being myself. Sabyasachi,R. Balki,my family — they have constantly been unconditionally supportive. My manager,K.S. Sanjay,Sabyasachi,and Balki have said things to me that have made an impact.

They basically told you to believe in yourself.

Absolutely. Be yourself. You are you. People love you for that. Why do you want to be someone else and give it all up?

One more thing I will say about you is that you are somebody one can see acting in her 50s,and not trying to be 25.

Thank you. I hope that we have interesting roles for women in their 50s. Things are slowly changing. Women are not just playing bhabhis and mothers once they are married. I am looking forward to that,in a while from now though (laughs).

We will not ask you how much time from now. Vidya,it was brilliant having this conversation with you. I am one of your many admirers. And thank you and many more conversations.

Thank you. Insha Allah,Insha Allah.

Transcribed by Sutirtha Sanyal. For the full transcript,log on to www.indianexpress.com