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Madhu Trehan is an author and former journalist

What does spirituality mean to you?
It is a daily struggle, minute by minute.
When I wake up in the morning, my first disciplined thought is about what I will aspire for that day; and it usually is the same: how will I witness and watch my shenpa?
Whenever someone creates a situation which feels provocative to you, to which you would have a knee-jerk response, shenpa is not the anger itself, but the feeling of the anger, of being upset, of despair, of sadness. The triggering force which makes you act in a certain way, the urge to respond quickly, to put someone in their place, to fix them --- all that is the shenpa.
So my aspiration for the day every morning is to see if I can avoid getting carried away by the shenpa.

Do you manage?
Of course not. That is why Buddhism is called a practice and not a religion. You have to practice, and it’s always five steps ahead, four and a half steps behind. But you have to remember that half a step you have taken, which is good.
Spirituality also means that the last disciplined thought before I sleep is to review the day, where I succeeded, where I failed. It’s very important when looking at one’s failures, not to beat oneself, but understand that noticing where and why we have failed is already an achievement.

Do you consider yourself a Buddhist?
I was born in a family of Arya Samaj, which is in itself a step ahead since they don’t believe in idolatry, in temples, in ritualism, in superstition and all that. Swami Dayananda Saraswati and Vivekananda also promoted education and equality of women. So it was a big advantage to be born in such a family.
In 1971 or 1972, Maharishi Mahesh Yogi came to New York where I was living and working as a journalist. I was sent to cover his events. It was my first introduction to meditation. I started doing Transcendental Meditation. Since then, I have explored many different people and techniques, including Osho’s ashram in Pune. It has been like a parallel career, mostly unknown to people, even to my family at times.
The exploration has continued. Eventually, I found I was more drawn to Buddhism than any other technique. TM did not take me far enough; Osho’s techniques were a bit too self-centred and selfish. It is very much about cleansing yourself, fixing your own problems, becoming happier. I thought it was a limited view. Many people who went there did not change their attitude to others at all being as selfish, lying, nasty, mean as before. Of course some followers have done wonderful things in their lives. But it is not a technique that takes you beyond yourself.

In Buddhism, I found it is not only about you. Even self-healing mediation starts first with a prayer to heal others. There is a huge consciousness of other people. So many Buddhist practices are focused on spreading compassion in you and others.
Also, it gives you tools to deal with the many downs, tragedies, and hurts of life --- not to run away and switch them off, but learn to live with that level of discomfort, and use that discomfort to learn. Eventually, it turns into compassion for the person who has done something to you. Is it magical? No it is not. Sometimes it takes weeks of meditation before something transforms inside. But somehow you get under that person’s pain or psyche and where they were coming from when they flipped out on you. There are failures too for sure. But at least I look at them and try to do better the next time.

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