Is 2008 India’s year of the queer? We’ve seen defiant and exuberant LGBT pride marches across Indian cities, we’ve witnessed some determined legal siege warfare and public debate against Section 377, and now we can cap the year with that ultimate imprimatur of mainstream belonging — a Karan Johar movie.

But don’t bring out your rainbow flags just yet. It’s a category mistake, like looking for Mona Lisa’s smile in a yellow emoticon, to expect any kind of grand gay glasnost from Dostana. First, it’s not a gay movie in any sense — even the lead characters are only pretending, at great pains; no member of the cast or crew is openly gay, and the couple of gay characters in the movie are flaming stereotypes. All Dostana does is verbalise and extend the jokey Kal Ho Na Ho shtick and throw in a few smutty asides to audiences which collapse in nervous giggles at the very mention of the word “gay”.

Abhishek Bachchan and John Abraham claim they’re in love with each other, to weasel their way into Priyanka Chopra’s apartment, and later, to speed up a US residency application as a same-sex couple. ‘Lekin-main-gay-nahin-hoon’ Abraham shudders at the idea, while Bachchan throws himself into the role with some gusto (and great mincing exaggeration). They make lame jokes, get inadvertently caught in compromising positions, and are even (spoiler alert) forced into a passionate lip-lock, though their revulsion is writ large. Kirron Kher’s admittedly funny turn as the horrified Punjabi mom mines the theme for more laughs.

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