Name: India alias Bharat alias Hindustan

Age: 5,000 years, going on 60

Date of Birth: August 15, 1947

Personal Address: Anywhere in a land mass that measures 2,973,190 sq km

Formal Address: Parliament, Parliament Street, New Delhi

Nationality: Indian

Telephone numbers: Too many to list here

Health Profile: For a 60-year-old, generally fit-fat — can do a mean bhangra number accompanied by loud ‘Oye-oyes’, on occasion; or 60 pelvic thrusts per minute, ‘Jhoom barabar jhoom’ ishtyle, without any visible damage to aforementioned pelvis. However, there are occasional displays of aggression, which could be caused by hypertension. When placed in the driver’s seat, sometimes displays a penchant to hit-and-run anything that comes within sight — including pedestrians on zebra crossings at red lights, cotton farmers on small farmsteads, Muslim cattle traders, prosperous Dalits and writers who “hurt religious sentiment.”

Suffers from occasional bouts of flatulence caused by a certain partiality to deep fried food involving potatoes. Which is also why fruit salts and antacids are among the fastest moving items across chemist counters.

Personal details:

• Has some of the best laws, by-laws, rules, regulations, and stipulations in the world and spends a great deal of time in legislatures and government offices making new ones. However, the aforesaid laws, bye-laws, rules, regulations, stipulations, as a general rule, are not meant to be observed. Let’s say it’s a case of bye-bye, laws.

• May have its share of faults, but overt modesty is not believed to be among them. Displays a certain propensity to self-proclaim itself a superpower, a rising power, a shining power, a growing power, a glowing power.

... contd.