My victim was Smita Thakur. As she stood there in her green bath gown, waiting for us ‘masseurs’, I felt a sudden pang of sympathy for her. She had sportingly allowed me—a hack who has drawn her lessons from the dough she occasionally kneads—to massage her back.

If not safe, Smita certainly was in soft hands—as I had taken care to dab some moisturiser on my palms. I was all set. Francis, the spa manager at Oasis Spa, The Grand, New Delhi, introduced me to the senior masseur, Diana. I was to be her assistant. We went past a door that read ‘Ladies Spa’. As we entered, one of the attendants handed me a cream-coloured cotton sari with an orange border. “You will have to change, maa’m,” she said. Well, why not? At least I could look like a masseur even if I couldn’t work like one.

In minutes, I was standing before Diana for a quick lesson in the masseur’s art. Smita was getting a basic Ayurvedic massage called the Marma Abhyanga. “It is a general body massage. It involves the use of major and minor marma points.” Marma? Diana saw the confusion on my face and continued, “Marmas are the points on our body where the five elements—flesh, veins, arteries, tendons and joints—meet. Pressure at these points makes a massage most effective.” Hmm. This sounded a little like the biology lessons in school that I never understood. But I did know how to nod wisely in the face of incomprehension.

... contd.