Good morning and welcome to this column. Let’s begin with India Fashion Week: On Day 1, it featured Rosa — as in Saif Ali Khan’s current companion —who chose to make her ramp debut in Delhi for designer Payal Jain, wearing buffoon headgear and a bright shade of lipstick on a face which bore an uncanny resemblance to Sharmila Tagore’s. Is Khan seeking his mom...

Ooops, sorry for the language malfunction. In case you’ve never heard of the term, it is the verbal equivalent of what Carol Gracias let slip what she wasn’t meant to at the Lakme Fashion Week, setting all the news channels looking for more, how shall we put it, faulty clothes lines? Knowing that there was nothing the audience would rather watch than women without wardrobes, they set about locating the moment when the cloth slipped off its resting place and highlighted it with a mosaic so that our eyes would be magnetically drawn to that part of the anatomy.

Brian Lara also appeared on day one of the same week and made his own fashion statement. He wore a jacket over tired jeans. Hmmn, could it be that the zip in his other trousers was suffering a wardrobe malfunction? Shhhh.

The Aaj Tak reporter clearly suffered a momentary mental malfunction when she asked him, There are so many beautiful young girls around, did you enjoy them (or words to that effect). Lara, who has been linked to many beautiful girls in his time, replied as though at a diplomatic function: ‘‘I enjoyed mingling.’’

... contd.