In our poll of the day we are asking you, Who else is malfunctioning on air? Your vote could go to the Hindi news channels like Star News or Aaj Tak, which led with India Fashion Week as numero uno of the day unless it was Hrithik having a baby (a serious body malfunction, were it true) ahead of news that those allegedly responsible for the Varanasi blasts had been arrested.

But why go after the news channels? Elsewhere, malfunctions are engineered as deliberately as Janet Jackson’s. (By the way, TV stations in the US were heavily fined for broadcasting Jackson’s audacious revelation — are you listening news channels?)

Where were we? On Kandy Floss (Sony), three of Indian TV’s brashest macho stars were taped falling all over their drinks, resulting in a tongue malfunction that had them slur out inappropriate comments about female actresses. Not an attractive sight. Kandy Floss will have to find a way to get them to talk ‘dirty’ but sober if we are to appreciate their comments.

You could also vote for Indian Idol (Sony). Here, the voting public is suffering from a serious case of dysfunctional sensory perceptions. Dysfunction occurs when something doesn’t work as opposed to malfunctioning. In this case, viewers must be tone deaf and blind. How else to explain the fact that all the good-looking girls who sang very well have been voted off the show and we are left with the usual male suspects? The alternate explanation is that our traditional gender malfunction is in perfect working order.

... contd.