Opinion Undoing the done

To

The Rt Hon Marquess of Dalhousie

Governor General of India,Calcutta.

Your Excellency: It is with acute concern for your reputation that I have undertaken the impertinent task of writing this letter. To help me in my task I have made use of the services of a native astrologer who has given me a peep into the future of our Indian empire,including to my consternation the prospects of a time in the future when we may not be the rulers of this land which providence has entrusted to us. It may be that if you listen to the advice of this humble correspondent,by your actions (and inaction,I might add) you will help ensure the continuation of British rule in India.

You propose to introduce railways into India. You have a vision of building one of the largest railway networks in the world. I implore you not to go ahead with this plan. You would like to modernise India. I submit that this is not a good idea at all. It is in our interests to leave India as a backward,unspoiled country. Your advisers tell you that railways will help in troop movements in the event of a Mutiny of our native soldiers. This is a deeply ill-conceived proposition. Our best bet is to make sure that transportation between far-flung districts and provinces remains slow,costly and cumbersome. Let the natives stick to their bullock carts. Railways will help unite a country which is right now split up so admirably. If Indians unite and start having National Congress meetings in different parts of the country (especially if they are led by a loincloth-wearing pseudo-fakir who travels across the land using our railways — a distinct possibility according to my astrologer),they might clamour for freedom and actually wrest it from us. Railways will create an integrated national Indian market for goods and services — now why should we confer this blessing on our subjects? Much of the land that our railway companies will need,will have to be taken away from tribals and other natives. This would be most immoral and inappropriate. We should let them retain their land and use it for the low productivity economic activities that are part of their quaint traditions (quaint to us at least!). Furthermore,while you are considering using the powers of Eminent Domain to acquire these lands for a genuine public purpose,my astrologer tells me that in the future venal politicians may use these same powers to help their buddies acquire land to build factories,commercial buildings and monstrosities which will be known as SEZs for private benefit. This system,I believe,will be known as crony capitalism. Let us not shake the moral foundation of our Indian empire by leaving behind land acquisition laws that cunning natives may misuse in the future.

You support filling up the sea to join the various islands of Bombay (which my astrologer tells me may in the future be known as Mumbai). You support causeways and reclamations. This is a terrible idea. While it may increase the prosperity of the citizens of Bombay,it is bound to cause ecological damage (an expression which I have borrowed from the future,courtesy my astrologer). Instead,I think you should introduce a new law for Coastal Zones forbidding the creation of a handsome metropolis by violating the coastlines and destroying mangrove forests.

It is currently the design of the British to build beautiful hill resorts at Ootacamund,Coonoor,Kodaikanal,Yercaud,Munnar,Mahabaleshwar,Mhow,Mount Abu,Darjeeling,Kalimpong,Mussoorie,Nainital,Almora,Ranikhet,Simla and Kasauli. I beg of you — do not let this happen. We should leave the hills as they are. On no account should we cause environmental damage to the hills and the people who live there (not many,as they are sparsely populated) should remain quaintly backward suffering from malaria and other ailments that God has intended for the heathens of this land.

You have a Law Member and a Finance Member in your council. You should urgently appoint a Member for Environmental Affairs who with the best of intentions (protecting the environment and saving tribals and other natives) can stymie the progress of India. You should also give a sympathetic hearing to NGOs (it is difficult to explain what these creatures are — but if we meet,I can try) who want to halt railways,dams,canals,hill stations and so on. You can even encourage the Archbishop of Canterbury to make speeches that mining of bauxite in India would be against the principles of the Church.

I remain your humble,obedient and devoted servant,Benign Luddite Colonial

The writer divides his time between Mumbai,Lonavala and Bangalore

jerry.rao@expressindia.com