With his book,Shoaib Akhtar bowls himself over

Declares Apun hamesha tha rockstar,but Ponting was the greatest,mate.

He rolled his pupils,adjusted his shiny grey collar,unbuttoned his tuxedo,flashed his shiny-teeth grin and whispered through the famous fish-lipped pout: I dont kiss and tell. This,when asked about his numerous flings. As the audience cackled,Shoaib Akhtar winked Bollywoodesquely and folded his pudgy palms in a clasp. And then,without the metaphorical kisses,he told like he never told before.

On the day his tell-all autobiography,aptly titled Controversially Yours,hit bookstands at Rs 499,Akhtar came unplugged at a city hotel in true Akhtar style,reverting to his famous I runs fasts,I bowls fasts days to advertise his wares.

Everybody match-fixes,tell me one country that doesnt, he said. Ball tampering is a common and rampant art,I learnt it from my heroes Wasim Akram and Waqar Younis. Sachin Tendulkar was scared of me,I could smell his fear when I ran in to bowl.

Story continues below this ad

More nuggets: Matthew Hayden said Good Morning to me at the breakfast table,and I asked him to eff-off. We only threw forks,knives and bats at each other in the dressing room in Pakistan; in India Harbhajan slaps players on the field.

Before Akhtar,there was bass-thumping gym music,and an audio-visual medley of some of his best dismissals played on the big screen chronologically ordered by his receding hairline and widening waistline. The book captures Akhtars various phases and various accents to help the reader feel the life of the man,said the emcee. And then,Akhtar swaggered up on the dais,swinging his slick hair,and did a show-and-tell.

Hey,Ponting was the greatest,mate, he said with an Australian twang. He then turned to call-centre Brit,talking about the time the ICC banned him for chucking,It left me in a jolly good mess. My life seemed to be over.

Then came Bollywood Hindi. Akhtar crossed his legs Amitabh Bachchan style and said,Apun hamesha rockstar tha. But when the real Akhtar finally emerged,he spoke in his native Punjabi.

Story continues below this ad

I want to give my side of the story, the Express pleaded in his Pindi dialect. For long,there have been allegations about me from doping,to cheating,to not giving it my all. I have stayed silent for far too long,now I want to tell everyone the truth.

The repercussions? Main Allah nu chhaad ke kisse toh nahi darda, he replied. I am speaking the truth,I fear no one.

He continued to be emotional,speaking about how he had tried to stop the young Mohammad Amir from falling into the match-fixing abyss. Wiping a tear or two,he sniffed: He was a god-gifted talent. And he threw it all for 10,000 pounds. I had told him not to mix in the wrong circles. I offered my help,but he rejected it because I was past my prime. Now he has nothing.

True. Akhtar though,has a money-spinner of a book.

If his 280-page story is half as interesting as he was on Friday,Akhtar has a great new spell coming up.