Dear diary: Sashikala’s jottings

Poes Garden, at the best of times, is a mystery, wrapped in a puzzle, wrapped in an enigma, wrapped in reinforced concrete. Yet it has become something of a national obsession to try and fathom the mind of its chief occupant, J. Jayalalitha. Alas nobody, but nobody, has access to its miraculous workings, with the solitary exception of her personal lieutenant, Sashikala, The Loyal. I therefore bring you excerpts from Sashikala’s diary jottings over the last week. Any resemblance they may bear to the original is strictly in the realm of the imagination.

THURSDAY: Kadavale, kadavale! I open my eyes with the feeling that something exciting is going to happen. I quickly have bath and go downstairs. Akka is already having coffee. ‘‘Nalamaa?, how are you?’’ I ask. She snaps at me, ‘‘Thangai (younger sister), keep quiet. Can’t you see I am thinking?’’ I keep quiet as an eli, mouse, only. When Akka (big sister) is in that mood, we all become eli only.

FRIDAY: I catch up with Akka some time in the afternoon, after she’s back from the Secretariat. She is wearing her pachchai, green, sari with little white flowers. She is in happy-happy mood, even humming a song. I like her when she is like this only. I think she has thought some great plan for all of us. At night she said, ‘‘Come, Thangai, led us watch old fillum cassettes. Now I am liking old fillums very much only, my favourite is Kumari Kottam, which I am seeing at least 60 times, God promise. Then phone rings. It is the polis for Akka. I look at the time. It is 1.45 am. Amma’s face is very happy, happy. Polis is telling something and she is looking very happy.
Finally, around 3 am, Akka tells polis,‘‘You have done good job. Now lock him up.’’ Only then Akka tells me whole story. Polis went to Oliver Road to arrest that man, Karunanidhi, and the poor boys got hit, slapped and kicked by the rowdies in that household. Ayyo, Ramachandra! What types we have in this world!

SATURDAY: Barely got some sleep, when Akka shouted for me. ‘‘Enna, Akka? I said and ran downstairs. Akka was watching SunTV. Those Sun TV rowdies were going on showing Karunanidhi being pushed, inge, ange. Akka’s face was jet white as she was watching this. ‘‘Those stupid buffoons cannot even do a small job right. They should have beaten up and locked up the Sun TV people first. What were they thinking — that they are MGR, acting before camera or what?’’ she said about the polis. We watched together. Karunanidhi was doing great drama, pretending to be old, cannot walk and all. Maran was kicking like a kuddurai, horse, Baalu was braying like a kazhade, donkey.

Then Akka had idea. She phoned the polis and ordered ban only on Sun TV in name of public order. She also asked polis to send their video to Jaya TV, so that the world can see the truth, Akka said. Ayyo, I so much admire her. She thinks such good-good ideas. Meanwhile phone is ringing and ringing in the house, I am going mad only. But Akka instructed that no phones will be picked up. She later told media that if the PM had really desired to speak to her, she was readily available. Now that was the truth. She was available. Only we didn’t pick up phone only, that’s all.

SUNDAY: Aiyo Swamy! They are going to send off that nice old lady, Fathima Beevi. So cruel they are, that Vajpayee and all. Akka is very sad when she heard news. She was walking up and down drawing room saying what a nice lady Fathima Beevi is. ‘‘You remember, Thangai, how we gave her bouquet of yellow roses after she swore us in so quickly?’’

We switched on TV and there was that George fellow on the screen. He was telling that he will recommend something stronger for Tamil Nadu. ‘‘Akka what does he mean?’’ I asked in fright. Akka just laughed.‘‘He loves to find facts, that man, except those that concern his affairs!’’ I giggle.

MONDAY: We get up very early. We are finally going to give away that elephant to Guruvayur temple. Akka knows what to do, when. When the world is calling her witch, she becomes a saint. We arrive at temple by 7 am, but already there are rowdies with black flags shouting against Akka. I was frightened only. But Akka walked past them as if they didn’t exist. She was looking so grand only in pachchai silk sari with sivappu, red, border. I chose it for her. I told her to wear her diamond studs and she looked at me sternly, ‘‘Have you forgotten my vow never to wear jewellery until I avenge the wrong done to me?’’

TUESDAY: Akka is so kind. She is releasing Maran and Baalu today.

WEDNESDAY: Karunanidhi is also going to be released, Akka told me, because he is an old man. I am wondering at this. He was same age only when he was arrested on Saturday, no? Anyway, Akka knows best. Now, to tell the truth, even I am a little scared of her but I know, inside my heart, she is kind and good. Later the world will also know this. After she has won all her cases, we all will live happily, you wait and see. Goodnight, diary. Tomorrow Akka and I are going to present a farewell bouquet to Fathima Beevi.

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