Dec 13. Quote. Unquote.

Politics is the art of converting every possible reversal into a possible advantage. The storming of Parliament on December 13, shocking as it was, provided different strokes for different folk. In this column, I attempt to bring you a selection of the great words uttered by our worthy leaders on that occasion. I have also tried to painstakingly deconstruct what they said, so that you get the big picture...

What Prime Minister Atal Behari Vajpayee said in his broadcast to the nation: ‘‘India’s war against terrorism has entered the final phase. Ab aar ya par (it will be a decisive battle)...The Parliament of 100 crore Indians accepts the challenge thrown by terrorists.’’

What he really meant: If only I can keep my eyes open while they telecast this address! Sharad Pawar’s cake and pedas were delicious but I seem to have eaten too much yesterday.

What Home Minister L.K. Advani said: ‘‘There has been no breach of security. There was no intelligence lapse. There can be no protection against fidayeen attacks. The fidayeen had even attacked the Pentagon in America. It was not possible to provide foolproof security cover in a democracy where everything is open.’’

What he really meant: I better preempt them before they start blaming me for that terrorist attack. In any case, how can anyone be secure in a democracy? That’s precisely why I want to fix that democracy of ours for ever by bringing in POTO, pronto. This should also get us a win in the Uttar Pradesh election.

What he said: ‘‘To me they (the intruders) did not seem like Indian faces.’’

What he really meant: How could they have been Indians? Indians are patriotic and belong to the Hindu fold.

What Defence Minister George Fernandes said: ‘‘Abhi main bahut gusse mein hoon (I am very angry right now). Those responsible for the attacks will be taught a lesson that they will remember. This (terrorist) attack has crossed the limit. The time has come for a fitting reply. To defeat them it is necessary for POTO to be made into a law unanimously.’’

What he really meant: That should do it. Instead of screaming about that silly CAG report, everybody will now be talking about the importance of bringing in POTO. This should save me from being buried in that Kargil coffin issue. I can be back on national centre stage, all guns blazing.

What Samajwadi Party general secretary Amar Singh said: ‘‘Sophisticated weapons and not a law on terrorism is the answer to terrorism.’’

What he really meant: And I know many dealers in state-of-the-art weapons systems. You can always approach me if you need to strike a deal.

Congress Spokesperson S. Jaipal Reddy: ‘‘The people must not delude themselves into believing that this attack happened for want of POTO. It happened despite that.’’

What he really meant: What we want is for people to delude themselves into believing that this attack would not have happened if the Congress were in power. And what they really need is the Congress to lead the nation.

What Pakistan President General Musharraf said: ‘‘I was shocked to learn about the attack earlier today by armed intruders on the Indian Parliament building in New Delhi.

What he really meant: I just hope that my ‘‘freedom fighters’’ didn’t do it. Must check up on my boys. Now what will George Bush say? Only hope he doesn’t dock the IMF payments.

What AIADMK general secretary and the real chief minister of Tamil Nadu Jayalalithaa said: ‘‘The time has come for the entire nation to solidly support the efforts of the Government of India in adequately equipping itself and the state governments with the necessary legislation to eradicate terrorism.’’

What she really meant: I hope those dolts in Delhi get the message — I am solidly with them if they are solidly with me. In any case we need an anti-terrorist law to deal with terrorists like Karunanidhi.

What DMK president M. Karunanidhi said: ‘‘I am greatly relieved to understand that you (Mr Vajpayee) and your cabinet colleagues are unhurt from the painful and barbaric incident...’’

What he really meant: I hope these words will melt Old Atal’s heart and he will realise that the really painful barbarian is a certain lady we know.

What Minister of Parliamentary Affairs Pramod Mahajan said: ‘‘I will be the last to leave Parliament premises.’’

What he really meant: At last, here’s my chance to be Hero No. 1, like Govinda.

What I&B minister Sushma Swaraj said: ‘‘I will be the last to leave Parliament premises.’’

What she really meant: Who does Pramod think he is — Govinda? Well, if he can be Hero No 1, I can be Heroine No 1.

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