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What is the role of spirituality in your life as an artist?
The whole process of creativity is what I equate with spirituality. Basically, I have been in a constant struggle to convert ideas into a feeling form. It is a process I live even in my sleep. It is a way of finding my own truth. But it should also help others do so. If one passes by a picture and is not transformed by it, what is the point? One should not try and understand what the artist meant --- only what one sees and feels in it. There is no dogma about it. I do not understand people asking me to explain my paintings --- it is like making a juice out of fruits and then asking to convert the juice into fruits again. An idea has been transformed into form; it cannot be converted into idea and theory again.

Can you tell us about a unique experience that changed or shaped your spiritual beliefs?
When I became ill and deaf, my older brother who was a Communist felt that his ideology could help me --- instead of focusing on my own grievance, I should concentrate on the grievance of the world. So he infused in me those beliefs and I adhered to them dogmatically. I would reject anything that would contradict them. I believed then in the supremacy of the idea, instead of understanding that it is only a raw material, that is must be refined to make something out of it. It took me almost two decades to finally abandon Marxism. It happened during my stay in Mexico. It was a very significant turning point, because it was in a way the end of dogma in my life and I could open to so many other understandings of things. It was triggered by my encounters with a number of Russian émigrés, who would tell me stories about what was really happening in the Soviet Union at the time. There was no freedom for creativity and I could not accept it. I understood that Marxism was just another religion in disguise. And I felt I had wasted so many years believing in it. I thought of what it had contributed to me --- and the answer was sadly simple: nothing.

If you were to be reincarnated, what would you like to be reincarnated as?
I do not believe in reincarnation. To me it is just another way to try and build a fantasy. When you cease, you cease.

If there was one question you could ask God, what would it be?
I wouldn’t ask a question. I do not feel a sense of mystery about life, which would prompt a questioning of any kind. Besides, I do not believe there is such an entity as God. If there was one, how could it be so cruel as to allow us to make so many mistakes? How could it allow for so much suffering on earth? The idea that suffering may come as a consequence of previous lives’ deeds is an invention of religion to justify misery and distress. Believing in a force like God is to me a sign of weakness.

What is your idea of happiness?
It is the satisfaction to convert my feelings and ideas into forms, it is that process of creating, whether through painting or poetry or anything else.
It does not necessarily equate to inner peace and contentment though. Quite the contrary. On the one hand, I would say I have much more contentment today than I ever did before. It took me a long time and much effort to reach that stage. The more I follow my conscience, the less I am guided by greed or other feelings of the kind, the more I am at peace. And I can look at the past without any regret.
On the other hand, complete contentment would mean the end of growth. It is the constant inner feeling of dissatisfaction that prompted me to always do more, improve and change. I still feel I have so much to achieve and so little time for it. Every time I sit in front of my work, I feel it is incomplete. So till the last moment of my life it shall remain the same, with this lack of inner contentment. It is the right way to be. It is the sign that something keeps growing, that something is alive inside.
So how can one find a balance between inner peace and growth? I am not sure one can ever find an answer to this riddle.

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