SORANPATTU, January 7 Mary Jansia, 26, thought the safest place for her 3-year-old daughter was on her shoulders. Thanaranjani, 28, swears that she never let go of her 4-year-old daughter. Bamini, 29, said she left her 6-year-old daughter and 6-month-old son alone for only five minutes.

The three young women, who are all from northeastern Sri Lanka, are members of a group that may emerge as the grim hallmark of the December 26 tsunami. The survivors of this catastrophe are not primarily orphaned children, as is common in many disasters. There are tens of thousands of parents who lost their children to epic waves that swept away the weakest, youngest and smallest.

Sri Lankan and UNICEF officials estimate that of the 30,000 people killed by the tsunamis in Sri Lanka, at least 10,000 were children.

If the same ratio holds true across Southern Asia, as many as 50,000 children could have died on Dec. 26. Surviving them are tens of thousands of distraught parents struggling to come to grips with their grief and guilt, tormented by their failure to do what parents are supposed to do: protect their children. ‘‘I feel that I should have died with the kids,’’ said Thanaranjani, whose 4-year-old daughter was snatched out of her arms by the waves. ‘‘People blame me. They said I could have saved at least one.’’ Her older daughter died as well.

‘‘I feel that I should have died with the kids,’’ said Thanaranjani, whose 4-year old-daughter was snatched out of her arms by the waves. ‘‘People blame me. They said I could have saved at least one.’’

Parents say that they know there was nothing they could have done to fight off waves that ripped brick buildings off their foundations, but they are still haunted by the belief that somehow they should have made a different split-second decision that would have saved their children.

Mourning parents said they have found an unexpected source of solace: one another. Mothers who lost children say they are comforted by conversations with mothers enduring the same loss. A community, of sorts, has formed.