Speed

Director: Vikram Bhatt

For a while now, Vikram Bhatt has been ripping off some Hollywood movie or the other in every one of his films. This time around he steals from so many that you could spend a more profitable time trying to recall the originals than watching this Speed: even the name is shamelessly stolen.

Remember the blond hunk in the car who gets a call on his cellphone from a kidnapped woman, and who races against time to rescue her from a bunch of baddies? It was one of those B-grade Hollywood quickies that come and go. That’s Vikram’s first theft. Urmila Matondkar is thrown into an exact same room (the scenarist must have been given strict instructions to keep the wild west look intact), and made to connect from a broken handset to Zayed Khan, who is in London to make up with an angry girl friend.

Theft number two: remember the guy who's daughter is kidnapped, and who is forced to go after the head of a state in exchange for her life. This was a slightly tonier film, which now keeps getting repeated on Star Movies. Sanjay Suri (an MI5 agent, for gawdssake) gets placed in the exact same situation, and handed a long range rifle to shoot the Indian Prime Minister.

Theft number three: bad girl Sophiya steals a spiked ball-and-chain from Kill Bill 2, and Zayed pretends to be Uma Thurman.

Other things in the film: Bhatt-faithful Aftab Shivdasani in one of the worst villain acts, togged out in a long trench coat, and a bad wig. Tanushree in bustiers and short skirts (does the girl have any other clothes?) scrambling around a ramshackle building held together with a few planks and nails, looking more Lonavala than London. A jaded Urmila, who shrieks and screams, doesn’t help matters, either.

Spare us